Dawn Kersula wrote
" One of the challenges of working with new moms in the hospital is that
they are, at first, in the taking in stage. They need to talk about their births, be nurtured, and stare at their babies. That's about all they seem to "take in!"!
Rubin says that during these early days .... moms want to know the RIGHT WAY to do things. (Yes, I think I am shouting.)
As a mom and LLLL, I know that every baby is different. But I will tell
you, first-time moms in this very tender time very seldom want to know that
there are lots of right ways to do things. They don't want to hear an array
of ideas on anything. "Just tell me how to do it." "That's not what my
other nurse said." I have had to re-think my teaching strategies (I went from mom to LLLL
to independent-practice IBCLC to nurse/IBCLC in the hospital) to present
good info to these new moms."
Thanks Dawn!!
I have been reading all these interesting posts about "mother vs. baby" and "meeting moms where they are," etc. and I think Dawn has hit the nail on the head here. We all come to counsel mothers at various stages in their motherhood. Perhaps there are so many conflicting opinions on whether we should be the dyads vs. just the baby's advocate because we are all meeting mothers at different times in their motherhood!
Of course, prenatal education was the key- which is why I loved teaching BF classes. When those of us who counsel mothers in the hospital are presenting our advice/information, we are dealing mothers in a very unique physical and psychological state. Simply put, you HAVE to meet the mother where she is- she will hear NOTHING you say to her otherwise. Some of you guys may never have counseled women immediately post delivery and just may not be able to understand. Trust me, no matter how passionately I believe that breastfeeding is the norm and bottlefeeding ABM, even one bottle, could have serious health/emotional consequences for both mom/baby, I simply cannot stand on a soapbox at the bedside and preach to a mom about the risks of "insert anything non direct breastfeeding" when she is strung out at 0300am and crying because she sincerely believes her baby is starving! Yes, this mom deserves accurate breastfeeding information, but she also deserves empathy and a
nonjudgemental attitude if she chooses to supplement and is too brainfried to fingerfeed/cupfeed, etc.
There is simply a time and place for everything. Transforming our entire western convenience loving/self absorbed society and redirecting it toward a familycentered, instinctive parenting, trueloving one will take a lot of time(maybe forever). In the hospital setting, all we have is a few minutes at the mother's bedside to influence her and get her to where she can feel comfortable and happy with breastfeeding-so she will continue as long as possible(desires).
I am afraid I believe in the "meet the mother where she is" method, because I have seen it work far too many times. There is something in human psychology where we want to be "understood." A brand new mom who feels misunderstood by me, is likely to shut down and listen to practically ANYONE else but me as far as feeding her baby goes. New moms are exhausted and delicate. Like Dawn said, they are still "taking in." So, when I walk into a brand new moms room to help her with breastfeeding, I believe that I AM being the baby's best advocate by meeting the mom right where she is.
Mary Herrington, RN, IBCLC
Lactation, Memorial Hermann, Northwest
Labor & Delivery, Memorial Hermann, The Woodlands
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