I agree with Valerie.  I see alot of grief in women about failed
breastfeeding experiences.  This grief is often expressed in having to
justify why the baby was given the bottle as soon as they find out about my
interest in breastfeeding, lactation and bonding.  I have never seen a
mother justify why they breastfed when they talk to a mother who bottle fed.
Grief has many expressions.  It seems to me the older the mother the more
the sense of regret or grief that many women feel about their unsuccessful
breastfeeding attempt. On the surface many women seem to accept and have
resolved the loss of this uniquely feminine relationship with their
offspring, but I am always saddened by the how under the surface many of
these women wish they could have.

I wonder if breastfeeding is for women a deep seated primeval need like the
need to be interdependant.  Interdependance is shunned by western culture.
Instead we grow up with the idea that independance is the ideal.  The
problem is that independance ideal is shattered the moment we run into a
health crisis.  If corporations ran on the ideal of independence in the
workforce, then employees would not even be able to put the simplest object
together.  Interdependance is basic to our survival.  Breastfeeding for
millions of years has been basic for the survival of the human race and I
believe an intimate part of womanhood for those able to bear children.  To
take breastfeeding away from women is to take an intimate part of her away.
Something is lost to her and dies.  When something is lost or dies we
grieve.  As Valerie says, guilt is to do with wrong doing.  Guilt can be one
expression of grief but to try and neutralise grief and guilt is belittling
and, in my opinion even worse, prevents the griever from seeking help to
resolve her grief.  Formula has more to answer than altering our concepts of
child and adult health norms.  I believe it also shatters some subconsious,
basic need that mothers have.

Ruth Fiedler
Australia
Breastfeeding counsellor.

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