>Just acknowledging that it WAS a loss and it's okay to be sad is incredibly
>helpful.  It feels like a huge wound to them, and it's usually invisible to
>everyone else.
>
>I've thought for a long time now that the huge lack of support from nurses
>in our local hospital has to do with their own unacknowledged feelings of
>loss around breastfeeding - they may not consciously be trying to undermine
>breastfeeding for others, but given the end result, whether they are aware
>or not doesn't make much difference to young moms.


I am certain this is the case.

I think it's their own experienc of loss, and their own experience of 
observing other women experiencing sad events around breastfeeding, 
that needs some acknowledgement.

When that baggage is shed, better learning takes place.

A couple of weeks ago, I had a small group of 7 different HCPs for 
two days, and the first day, I told them I'd be asking them to share 
their own memories of breastfeeding the next day, and they could 
contribute if they wished.

6 out of the 7 did, but some of them only opened up after a couple of 
them had done so.

We had tears and sadness and laughter - one of the tearful 
experiences went back 25 years and it was a lovely one (her own 
mother, now dead, had helped her bf and this was a heartfelt memory 
for her), the other tearful experience was a doctor who had really 
poor support 12 years ago, and who still felt sad she had not 
breastfed for longer.

It was a wonderful group share, but you can't do this with every 
group or in every situation - it needs to be safe. I have had several 
other experiences where HCPs spontaneously shared their own 
experience and have clearly had painful memories, and a  lecture hall 
or seminar room with 30 other people is not the best place to weep :(

This is why I would argue for debriefing to take place in small, safe 
groups, somehow.

Quite apart from the beneficial effects of it on the indivdual, it 
becomes a clear demonstration that happy breastfeeding *matters* - if 
people are still mourning a loss 5,10, 15, 20 or more years on (and 
they are), then what more evidence do you need???

It's no surprise that all the volunteer support organisations place 
great emphasis on personal experience sharing.

Heather Welford Neil
NCT bfc, tutor, UK

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