Renee, first let me give you a hug :)
You have not failed.
You are not inadequate.
You HAVE done your job! You know the risks involved when a premie is not
breastfed, and you shared this information with your friend.
That is all you can do.
Ultimately, this is her decision, the one with which she will have to live.
It is so hard to see mothers making choices that are opposite of the ones we
might have made, especially when we have presented so much evidence, and
there is so much at stake.
You may never know why she decided not to nurse her child, or at least pump
her milk, but she is doing what she feels is right for her and her family.
If you back away now there is a greater possibility of her changing her mind
after the baby is born, but if she thinks you are being pushy it may
increase her resistance.
What you can do now is to continue to be her friend, because she needs you.
You could also take a deep breath and repeat my favourite mantra:
"This is not my baby!
"This is not my baby!"
I wish I didn't have to do that so often :(
norma
Renee wrote:
>Friends,
This is so hard to write. I have a very good friend who is 31 weeks pg.
Her water has broken and she is in the hospital trying to get baby to stay
put
at least to 32 weeks. She is pretty anti-breastfeeding (why I don't
understand, she has never really said, and I don't feel comfortable asking
her.) I
shared with her information on the true importance of breastmilk with a
premature baby, being medicine NOT just food. I told her about some of the
complications of prematurity (NEC among others) and how her milk and hers
alone
could help prevent that. She wrote me an email and said that she "knows I am
a
nurse, and a bf advocate, but NOTHING is going to change her mind about
this".
She says she has consulted with many doctors and they are all trying to
ensure that her baby gets the absolute best start. I feel so sad. If it
wasn't
so close to home, I wouldn't feel like such a failure. I sent her
information from Paula Meier, thinking that hearing it from a real expert
may mean
something. Apparently not. I am praying this baby has no complications. Of
course then she will have "proved me wrong" about breast milk, what a catch
22. At the same time, if there are complications how do I handle it if she
comes to me feeling guilty or worse. This is my first experience with
someone
so truly anti breastfeeding that they won't even consider it with their own
sick baby. I am hoping that the doctors and nurses in the NICU are well
informed and will talk her into it, but who knows. Just needed to vent and
hopefully get an online hug or two for my failure and inadequacy as a
breastfeeding
advocate. Guess I really failed this one. :( <
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