Hello Diane!

Diane W:
"I've come to see these moms in a different light.  Our births don't
support immediate, solid bonds with our babies.  We grow those bonds
over time.  Then the next "little stranger" appears.  We have at least
some urge to do what any sensible mammal would do: invest our energies
in the "keeper" - the healthy 2 or 3 year old to whom we're now stuck
like glue.  And if that means bottle-feeding the newcomer, so be it."

Diane, this is interesting and so true, biology affects our decicions and 
behaviour. But I have different experience: The love for my firts baby came 
gradually but grew very strong. I even chose to continue bf her when I got 
bleeding (no contractions) with the second pregnancy at week 13. I thought 
that I cannot be sure that the baby would survive but my 12 month old would 
miss bf severely. The bleeding stopped and I was preparing to tandem.

My second baby was very SGA and was rushed to the Nursery right after 
C-section and to the NICU at another hospital the next day. She was very 
small (1,38 kg) and I was aching to bf her. It took a couple of days to 
overcome the shock of having so small baby (at 37 weeks) and so long journey 
ahead to bf her, but after I overcame the shock - she was my first priority. 
She spent 9 weeks at the hospital due her small size and the need of insulin 
(neonatal diabetes). Despite all the separation, love for her became the 
second I visited her at the NICU at the second day after birth. I visited 
her at the evening of the day of birth, too, but I was too sad and too 
shocked then. She came home weeks earlier than usual because I needed to get 
her home to nurse her the way I wanted my babies to be nursed. Somehow we 
all survived and I bf her almost three years. I could not managed tandem 
nursing more than 4 months. I think that my older child survived the hard 
years because we had build the strong bond before the younger one needed me 
more.

I wondered how I could love the second baby as much I did the first one but 
after the younger one was born I realised I could. I think that is biology, 
too. Tiny babies would not survive if the mothers would not put their needs 
first, the older siblings can survive without excellent care better.

My two cents,
Pia Ruohotie, RN and breastfeeding counsellor
From Helsinki, Finland, Europe

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