...then to be understood." 

Years ago, one of the wiser and kinder managers I've had during my work life
shared with me this principle of empathetic communication from the Seven
Habits of Highly Effective People. It's a principle I now find myself
applying most frequently as a mother of a 3-year-old, but one I have found
useful in all my relationships, personal and professional. As I have been
reading the "get a plant" thread about the mom who found breastfeeding (or
perhaps just being a new mom) very challenging, I was reminded of this bit
of wisdom and also about the complaints I have heard from moms about their
experiences with some lactation professionals. Here, on this list I hear a
lot of judgement against mothers who are, in the opinion of some
professionals, "non-compliant" or "selfish" because they (the mothers) do
not find breastfeeding to their liking. In my conversations with moms, I
hear about lactation professionals who pushed breastfeeding without trying
to help them overcome, or even understand, the social and cultural obstacles
they had to breastfeeding. 

There are a myriad of reasons why moms, particularly here in the US, find
breastfeeding too much of a challenge. I do not have to tell you all about
how unfriendly our culture is to breastfeeding moms and children, but it
seems that some are unaware of how much of an impact that lack of support
has on mothers and then blames them, as individuals, for their failure to
breastfeed successfully, when truly it is our culture that has failed. While
we might wish that maternal instinct would override perceived lack of
support, as women we are not only born and raised to be mothers, we are also
born and raised to please. Many of us who promote breastfeeding tend to go
against the grain and not care very much about the opinions of those we
consider uninformed, but the desire to please others, however wrong those
others are, is a hard thing for many mothers to overcome. Judging those moms
does no one any good. 

So, instead of getting upset with a mom who is telling you breastfeeding is
too difficult, please relax and open your mind, set aside your judgments for
a moment, and seek first to understand her, within the context of the life
she is living. 

Chris Musser
Portland, OR

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