This conversation has triggered the memory of an IBCLC home visit we had after the birth of my first daughter, who on day 8 still would not or could not latch.  
Although I was pretty desperate, and so tired from round the clock pumping and finger feeding that I was hallucinating, all of my innards were screaming NO when this expert pushed and shoved my new baby's head into my breast.  This well meaning hospital nurse said that this is the way the African mothers she works with do it, because for them, there is no option other than success.  I could see the logic, but still, it just felt bad.  I have continued to wonder if this is true in any way.
Then she tried the nipple shield, saying that if we gave the baby something she really hated, she may accept the breast as being not so bad.  Throwing in comments like "Wow, she is the kind of child you will really butt heads with later in life," didn't really help me.
The next day when she called to check how I was doing, I just couldn't bring my tired self to argue with her, so I told her everything was fixed. (Sorry if you are out there reading this now, I realize it was not a helpful thing to do.)

The upshot of this horrible experience was that I began to really trust my instincts.
Shortly thereafter another of the many IBCLC's I had left messages with called, and said things like "let's make the breast the most lovely place on earth so she will be happy there,".  This sounded good to me, and we invited her over.  After two more weeks of trying everything; SNS, pumping, domperidone, herbs, skin to skin, and Patience -which was new for me-   she finally latched and pretty much didn't let go until 4years later.  Thank you Edith Kernerman!

I think that even if the first, violent, method had 'worked', it would have left such a bad taste in my mouth that it would have negatively affected my nursing and mothering experience.
Instead, 8.5 years later, I am a LLL leader and new IBCLC in private practice, constantly amazed at what babies can do when we respect them.

Cassie Kent
LLLC, IBCLC  Halifax

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