Hi Kate :)

Thank you so much for sharing your story on Lactnet. Even though I have had
the tv on almost constantly from the time of the tragedy, I know that I have
not been getting the whole picture of what it has been like for those living
in the shadows.

I heard that seven out of ten people have reported feeling depressed. To me,
this sounds healthy. We are SUPPOSED to feel depressed when such awful,
unthinkable things happen.

You wrote:
>I'm ashamed to say that on the evening of the day of mourning I saw the new
>baseball movie with my ten year old and his friend.

When all around us we see the evidence of destruction and death, it is not
unusual to feel what is sometimes called *survivor's guilt.* We feel guilty
for getting on with our lives.

Mourning takes many forms. We go through the various stages of grief at our
own pace. Sometimes the event the precipitated the grief is so horrendous
that, in order to preserve our sanity, we use avoidance as a coping
mechanism. Sometimes we just need a break from the mourning - and that is OK
too. Let me share my own *guilty secret* with you - on the Friday after the
event I deliberately switched off CNN and watched a movie too - a lovely old
one, a fairytale, *The Ghost and Mrs Muir.*
When I suddenly found myself laughing, I felt awful. How could I laugh when
the world was about to be plunged into war, but the reality is that life
goes on. The life force is very strong. How many of us took comfort by
making love? And not only to take comfort, but as an affirmation that we
WILL survive.

Watching a movie with your son and his friend was a wonderful thing to do. I
am sure that it helped to reassure them both that normality will return, and
that is something they will need in the days ahead. We all do. Babies will
continue to be born. Mothers will continue to need our help. The only
difference is that now there is a new *normal.*

Norma Ritter, IBCLC
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