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Subject:
From:
Diane Wiessinger <[log in to unmask]>
Reply To:
Lactation Information and Discussion <[log in to unmask]>
Date:
Wed, 5 Feb 1997 13:40:40 +0100
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I, too, nearly fall off my chair when I hear about a mom who nursed her
first at length and happily but quickly abandons bf w/ her second.  But I
have a theory.

We give mothers such poor births in this country that that early tight
bonding usually doesn't happen.  The bond grows over time, as the mother
nurses.  But when the second comes, she now has a tight bond with the first
nursling, and a relatively poor bond with the second.  If everything goes
smoothly, no problem.  But if there's any snag, the mother may see herself
as spending time w/ the intruder at the darling's expense.  To see herself
as a good mother, she must "cut her losses" and see to it that the darling
isn't neglected, because that's where the great majority of her emotional
investment lies.

I recently had a 2nd time mother who voiced really strong commitment to
overcoming bf problems w/ the second... until the firstborn came home from
grandma's.  Within a couple days, she had quit abruptly and firmly, saying
she needed to regain some stability in her life.  Her newborn was a scrawny
and unhappy scrap at that point, but her two year old was bright and
beautiful.  Sigh.

Diane Wiessinger, MS, IBCLC, LLLL  Ithaca, NY

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