LACTNET Archives

Lactation Information and Discussion

LACTNET@COMMUNITY.LSOFT.COM

Options: Use Forum View

Use Monospaced Font
Show Text Part by Default
Show All Mail Headers

Message: [<< First] [< Prev] [Next >] [Last >>]
Topic: [<< First] [< Prev] [Next >] [Last >>]
Author: [<< First] [< Prev] [Next >] [Last >>]

Print Reply
Subject:
From:
Lisa Dugan <[log in to unmask]>
Reply To:
Lactation Information and Discussion <[log in to unmask]>
Date:
Sat, 21 Apr 2001 22:45:47 -0400
Content-Type:
text/plain
Parts/Attachments:
text/plain (137 lines)
I don't know where this was published but I found it adorable and thought
I'd share it with those needing a chuckle.

Lisa Dugan,
LLLL SNJ

> PICASSO OR MONET WITH YOUR MEAL, MISS?
>  By Susan Reinhardt
>  Published 01/26/00
>
>  We do not live in the Bible Belt.
>
>  We live in the Bible Bra.
>
>  Never have I encountered so much meddling as when people discover I'm
still
>  nursing a child who's got eight teeth, a head full of hair and the
ability
>  to string sentences.
>
>  By their appalled reactions, one might assume I was putting a teen-ager
to
>  breast, not a 20-month-old toddler.
>
>  A couple of months ago I was in a department store restroom, discreetly
>  nursing so that shopping could continue in relative peace. A woman walked
in
>  and stared with disdain.
>
>  "How old is that child?" she snapped as she placed her parcels on the
>  counter.
>
>  "She's in middle school," I lied, kissing the top of my tot's head. The
>  woman made some muffled comment just as the water came rushing from the
>  faucet.
>
>  And it's not just strangers who offer unsolicited commentary concerning
the
>  goings-on of others' glands.
>
>  It's friends and relatives, including - and especially - my mother,
who've
>  chirped for the past year, "When are you gonna wean that child?" Then
they
>  are horrified when they see her tugging at my blouse, reaching into a
>  battered brassiere as if fishing for popcorn at the bottom of a bag.
>
>  When my toddler purrs, "Miiiiiilk," in that little Southern accent of
hers,
>  you can almost feel the wind from the sighing and head shaking these
>  relatives deem their duty to submit.
>
>  How could they be offended by such an adorable act, such a natural,
loving
>  expression of motherhood? How could they not know that this is good for
her,
>  good for me, good for society. Good for the thighs.
>
>  Last August when the baby was 15 months old, she stayed with my parents
>  overnight, and Mama did her best to pry the child from my Playtex. She
>  offered her Coke, Kool-Aid, candy, chocolate milk.
>
>  Later in the day as the three of them were out by the pool - baby in
Dad's
>  lap - my parents discovered just how attached to nursing this child was.
>
>  Daddy had removed his shirt and was slouching enough that his chest drew
>  interest. The baby hungrily honed in on his ample cleavage. In her eyes,
>  lactation seemed possible. She leaned in for a closer look and then a
scream
>  split the air.
>
>  "She saw those old black hairs and red moles and couldn't stop crying,"
my
>  mother said, laughing till tears filled her eyes.
>
>  I told my mother and her troop of hens that the American Academy of
>  Pediatricians, not to mention La Leche Leaguers all over the world, agree
>  the breast is best for as long as a mother and child feel comfortable
with
>  the arrangement.
>
>  And though nursing is still a pleasurable experience most of the time, I
>  buckled to pressure and tried telling my child, "All gone," or "No more
>  milk, Sweetheart."
>
>  She'd look up with those huge brown eyes and they'd fill with tears and
that
>  would be it.
>
>  Last week, after a few sleepless nights of her tugging and pecking as if
I
>  were road kill, I decided to try weaning, at first employing the
traditional
>  and doctor-recommended methods such as tapering off or shortening the
>  feedings.
>
>  When this didn't work, I listened to the voices of unreason.
>
>  "Put a little vinegar on them," my mother-in-law said, so I did and it
>  worked.
>
>  For about five minutes.
>
>  The next day, remembering how my baby cowered upon seeing the Abominable
>  Snow Man in the "Rudolph" movie, I took a pack of washable Magic Markers
and
>  drew the creature on my chest, one on each side, teeth included, hoping
>  she'd be deterred.
>
>  It worked.
>
>  For about five minutes.
>
>  Then she started laughing and pointing, saying, "Snowman," as she dove in
>  for the kill. I washed quickly, before someone called Social Services,
and
>  decided the mural method wasn't going to work either.
>
>  The next day, as I sat in the rocker trying to relax, she toddled up with
a
>  fist full of markers. She yanked my blouse to the side, pushed a red
Magic
>  Marker into my hand, and said, "Snowman. Draw snowman, please."
>
>  Now I've got two problems.
>
>  A toddler who not only wants a meal at the Mammary, but also requests art
>  and atmosphere to complete the dining experience.
>

             ***********************************************
The LACTNET mailing list is powered by L-Soft's renowned
LISTSERV(R) list management software together with L-Soft's LSMTP(TM)
mailer for lightning fast mail delivery. For more information, go to:
http://www.lsoft.com/LISTSERV-powered.html

ATOM RSS1 RSS2