Interesting to see this thread on Lactnet, and the comments that a four
month old infant is not hungry at night.  Of course, since a baby's stomach
is tiny, and breastmilk is so easily digested, how can the infant NOT be
hungry.  Babies grow at different rates.  One might not be hungry, and
another might be hungry.  It seems dangerous to advise parents (who may not
have the common sense to determine on their own if the baby is hungry), that
a four month old is not usually hungry at night.

Further,
1.  Babies are designed to wake frequently - if the baby sleeps too deeply
during the night, it might not be alerted to stuffy nose and/or breathing
problem (pillow, etc.), and it might suffocate.
2.  Babies instinctively want to sleep next to the person they slept inside
of for 9 months.  It is always baffling to see otherwise intelligent people
think a baby will be able to rationally understand that (due to society
pressure) it can be dependent during the day but must be independent during
the night.
3.  The advice of "putting a baby down to sleep while still awake enough to
be aware of the surroundings. The baby falls asleep initially
while laying in the crib...This really seems to hold true in practice." also
leaves me skeptical.  It never held true in practice for me, or for dozens
of other mothers I've asked.  I wouldn't want to sleep in cell surrounded by
bars, in a dark room, alone; why should the baby?
4.  Letting a baby OR toddler cry it out is abusive.  It out only teaches
the child that he/she cannot rely on the parent to respond to his/her needs,
and is still abusive.  Certainly the "battle" might be over in 2-4 nights,
and that just means that it took 2-4 nights for the child to give up and
lose a bit of trust in the parents.  The parent is the adult and is
responsible for devising a better method of fostering independence and
security in the child, rather than taking the fast and easy way out of
ignoring the child.  However, sadly typical for this immediate satisfaction
time in our society.  Parents are parents around the clock.  Not just during
the day.

Our culture warns parents of creating bad habits by responding to their
child's cues.  This is, unfortunately, where our country falls far behind
third world countries in which the parents still listen.  As Gonneke van
Veldhuizen posted, babies will sleep when tired, and eat when hungry.  They
aren't doing this out of a habit.  They are listening to their bodies.

I suggest "Our Babies, Ourselves" for an objective anthropologist's studies
on how our culture affects how we parent.  The US is one of the only
countries that considers nighttime waking to be a problem.  Other cultures,
fortunately, recognize is as part of life.

I'm sure many adults still wake at night for a drink or trip to bathroom.
Or just for a hug from their spouse.  Imagine how many midnight arguments
there would be if the spouse always rebuffed the simple need for a hug and
comfort.

When I'm an old lady, lying awake and alone (maybe) in my bed, I will
remember our family bed and long for one more snuggle.  And I will be happy
that I listened to my children, fed them when they were hungry, held them
when they needed comfort, and by doing so, contributed a few more sensitive
and attentive (future) parents to society.


Shannon Rizzo

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