I think the problems with the information on this site are far
deeper than just a little misinformation.
Take at look at the relevant sections of her book quoted on the
site. Sorry this is so long but it was hard to decide what to cut
out.
On this page: http://www.drpaula.com/book/lovefeed.html
"There is little that bonds a relationship more than
having the responsibility for another person's
sustenance. Feeding is supportive in the most basic
way. It's not uncommon for fathers to feel left out
of the incredibly intense relationship that is
evolving between mother and baby even when the
mother is bottle feeding. It's not just nursing
mothers who exclude fathers, but certainly breast
feeding accentuates the issue. The husband may
be looking longingly at his wife, whose breasts no
longer seem to "belong" to him, and at his baby
who doesn't seem to need him much either. It's
also often uncomfortable for most women to
resume sexual relations with their husbands while
they are breast feeding - their breasts are leaking
milk, and often hurt. All of this may delay husband
and wife becoming a couple again. And now there
appears to be a new couple in the house - mom
and the baby.
In general there are two reasons why mothers have
problems with sharing the feeding - particularly
breast feeding mothers.
1. Some women have heard if they use a relief
bottle of any sort the baby will have nipple
confusion - she will be confused between the
action needed to suck on a breast nipple and the
action needed to suck on a rubber nipple. The
truth is that very little confusion actually occurs
as
long as you don't repeatedly switch back and forth
- - if it's only done once a day, or you've already
established breast feeding over the first two or
three weeks there is usually no problem. I can't
recall ever seeing a case of true nipple confusion
under these conditions. Obviously if you are bottle
feeding there is no confusion at all.
2. The second reason strikes right at the heart of
the matter. Many new mothers don't want to lose
control of the nurturing experience. Breast feeding
mothers are not bonded any closer to their babies
than bottle feeding mothers, but they often believe
that breast milk is superior and it's something only
they can really do. I've heard mothers say with
pride, "My baby wants nothing but me." It's a
badge of honor some mothers wear: "nothing has
passed her lips except breast milk." This can easily
cause fathers to withdraw and even fade out of the
immediate picture. As one dad in a new father's
group lamented, "I don't have breasts. What can I
do?" Similarly bottle feeding mothers are often
possessive: it's as if they think the hand that holds
the bottle "owns" the baby! Some moms feel they
have learned all of the tricks of the bottle-feeding
trade and are a little jealous if dad too easily
steps
right in and succeeds.
Fathers should be encouraged to participate
in feeding in a meaningful way. In the past,
fathers used to be the person who fed the
baby a bottle in the middle of the night.
Breast feeding mothers may let their
husbands feed baby a bottle of pumped
breast milk at that late hour. I find that there
is something very illogical and unfair about
that. It's not quite right to expect your
husband to happily bond at two in the
morning when he is likely to be exhausted.
You are really tossing him the crumbs of
feeding by giving him the least desirable time.
I suggest that new mothers understand that
fathers also get to bond when they get to
feed. Letting him feed the baby is an
important step to bringing your threesome
together and closing the gaps between you
and your mate. Make a place for him. Now.
(Actually, there is a new, very 90's, device
which allows fathers to practically breast
feed. It's a bra with two sacks and nipples on
the end. The father slips the device on, after
filling it with milk and he can "breast feed." I
personally think this is carrying things a little
too far, but there are fathers who say it has
helped them feel part of the experience.)
A father can participate in feeding even if the
mother wants to exclusively breast feed and
is really uncomfortable with adding a bottle.
One lovely way is for the father to hold his
wife while she feeds the baby. Often it's in
bed: usually late in the evening or early in the
morning. Make it cozy and meaningful. This
can be very rewarding if you are willing to let
your partner be a part of it.
If your husband does feed the baby then you
have to let him do it his way. Some mothers
feel they are the experts, the professional,
and the husband is sort of an amateur. Yes, it
is difficult to watch someone who appears
inept, who fumbles around with a bottle, so
that maybe milk even slurps down baby's
chin. The temptation is to step in and say,
"No, honey, do it this way," or "Let me do
it." Resist this and let the father and baby
fumble on their own a little bit. They will
work it out if you let them.
We know that a very special relationship does
develop between the baby and the person who
feeds her. Up to three months baby optimally can
see clearest at the distance from your arms to your
eyes. That's what goes on during feeding - there is
eye contact between baby and her feeder. It makes
for memories of early love, and it's truly sad when
father misses out on these moments. Later on,
you'll be rewarded by the close relationship
between father and child. Studies show that fathers
who feed their babies play with them more as well."
And this one: http://www.drpaula.com/book/feedatt.html
"If you are breast feeding you may have questions
about when to stop. This is a very personal issue.
Your body will respond to demand for at least the
first 5-6 months. In very few cases does the
natural cycle of breast feeding start to turn itself
off earlier. There are many ways to part-wean,
particularly if you want to go back to work.
Remember that greater than 80% of immunity is
transferred to the baby in the first three months so
that this is often the time when mothers do choose
to wean."
There seem to be some deep seated beliefs and attitudes here that
may be difficult to influence but it is always worth a try.
--
Janet Vandenberg, RN, BScN,
Newmarket, Ontario, Canada
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