At my hospital mothers experiencing these things are cared for on the
postpartum ward, at least if the pregnancy lasted over 22 weeks or so.  They
are encouraged to see their babies, spend time with them, take pictures, let
other family members and significant others see the baby, participate
actively in the decision about what kind of ritual of farewell, if any, they
want, and in planning of whatever they decide upon.  In the rare case that
they don't want to see the baby they are informed that we will take photos
and these will be on permanent file in their chart so they can get them if
they ever decide they want them.
They are given cabergoline to cut short lactogenesis, almost without
discussion (not the best aspect of our care, IMO).  I have on occasion
mentioned the option of being a milk donor but so far none of these women
have chosen to do so.
We also borrow babies from other mothers to let the grieving family hold a
live baby, which they appreciate far more than you might think.  Our goal is
to let them face head on the hurdle of seeing a newborn that didn't die, so
that first time doesn't happen in the checkout line at the supermarket, for
example.  The mothers who lend their babies may even be from the same
community, and this gives them the chance to talk and eliminates any
discomfort about what to say when they meet later on.  Women are so 'raw'
the first days after giving birth that they don't bother hiding their
feelings, because they pretty much can't.
There is a government grant for burials and they are awarded this to help
defray costs if they want a ceremony of some kind.  The chaplain or their
own spiritual support network gets involved.

I think we do a pretty good job of caring for them.  They usually look
forward to coming back in happier circumstances, and if and when they do,
they are often cared for by the same staff people that were most involved in
the care when they experienced losing a child (in normal care it's random
who you get - just whoever is on duty).  This is just as much a completion
for us as it is for them.

Rachel Myr
Kristiansand, Norway

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