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Subject:
From:
Melissa Vickers <[log in to unmask]>
Reply To:
Lactation Information and Discussion <[log in to unmask]>
Date:
Fri, 18 Nov 2005 07:26:06 -0600
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Hi all

That 20/20 show aired in the early 90s, shortly after I became an LLL
Leader. Ferberizing was always a hot button for me--it was the fact that my
daughter at a year old was not sleeping through the night that brought me to
my first LLL meeting (where I discovered that following my gut instincts
that she still needed me/milk/mothering/etc at night, too, was a reasonable
thing!). I wrote a letter to 20/20 and got other Leaders in the area to sign
it as well. I had mentioned the family bed as one alternative to a good
night's sleep for a family.

Not too long after that, I got a call from 20/20 folks about the follow-up
program they wanted to do. The caller asked me if my kids slept with me. I
told her no, that it hadn't worked out that way for my family and that I
just opted to get up with my daughter when she needed me. Then she asked
about the other mothers who had signed the letter. She wanted to know
whether any of them used the family bed and how old their kids are that are
still sleeping with them. She obviously was looking for me to tell her which
women were sleeping with the oldest kids. I told her I really didn't
know--that this group of women were all comfortable with how they parented
and how long/how old/etc just wasn't an issue. We didn't sit around and
discuss on a daily basis "are you STILL sleeping with your child?" I told
her she'd have to contact them individually.

Well, I guess she decided there was not enough shock factor in this
particular group. She never called again, and I think the follow-up was done
with some of Dr. Sears' patients.

My problem with Ferber has always been that his approach answers the wrong
question: "How can I get my child to sleep through the night?" The important
question: "How can I meet the nighttime needs of my child? (and hopefully
maximize my sleep, too!!)" The Ferber approach works for the first question,
but is a lousy answer to the second.

Melissa Vickers, IBCLC
Huntingdon, TN

PS. The scene with that poor toddler crying in the crib--before that, he
angrily threw all the stuffed animals in his crib against the wall of the
crib. Ferber's comment to the parents as they watched the video monitor in
another room: "Oh, look how he's arranging his own sleep space!"

> Date:    Thu, 17 Nov 2005 20:59:17 -0600
> From:    gima <[log in to unmask]>
> Subject: Ferber's: "misconception/compassion
>
> I can't remember what year the program was on but I will never forget the
> footage of that little boy crying until he collapsed in  heap over his
> stuffed rabbit.
>
> Did others of you see the program?
>
> Patricia Gima, IBCLC
> Milwaukee, Wisconsin

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