Breastfeeding advocacy is a mystery package that we unwrap that creates
incredible joy and at times a bitter sorrow.  While we can and do impact mothers by
our advocacy, there will always be some mothers who cannot make breastfeeding
a part of their life and just as importantly a part of their family's life.

The act of breastfeeding impacts not only the mother but family members and
ultimately a whole society.  If family members and particularly fathers are not
supportive of breastfeeding, then breastfeeding usually ends quickly.  The
mother lives with these people and she does not live with the breastfeeding
advocate.  If society does not treasure breastfeeding, then a certain portion of
breastfeeding mothers will feel that influence and wean early to fit into
society.

We are not the sole influence on the mother to breastfeed.  We cannot accept
that responsibility.  We advocate but we have to step back and understand that
moms aren't necessarily rejecting our advocacy or breastfeeding.  They are
often faced with enormous rejection within their own families and society for
breastfeeding.  Would we, if we walked in their shoes continue to breastfeed?
We would like to believe that we would breastfeed no matter what, but I think
we cannot truthfully know the enormous obstacles some mothers face when
breastfeeding.

I have worked with mothers who faced abuse from their boyfriends or husbands
for breastfeeding.  One boyfriend destroyed the mother's electric breast pump
in anger (mother was pumping for a premie).  One mother weaned and within days
after weaning was hospitalized for domestic violence.  These mothers aren't
going to necessarily tell you that they are faced with violence in the home for
breastfeeding.

We cannot presume that we didn't do enough to help a mom breastfeed or that
we didn't have the right posters or say the right thing.  We are just one of
many influences to the new mom.  The mom lives with the people who influence her
the most.  If you are economically and socially dependent upon family
members, you may feel powerless to do other than what these people want you to do.  I
think we need to recognize that some women are faced with the threat (real or
imagined) of violence with continued breastfeeding.  The decision to
breastfeed is a powerful decision.  Its continuation is not necessarily dependent on
our advocacy but on whether the mother's partner and family members are
supportive of its practice.
Valerie W. McClain, breastfeeding advocate

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