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From:
Patricia Gima <[log in to unmask]>
Reply To:
Lactation Information and Discussion <[log in to unmask]>
Date:
Sat, 26 Jul 2003 18:35:49 -0500
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What an interesting collection of posts on this topic. My mind is hopping
with thoughts and replies and putting it all together.  I will just address
a couple of ideas.

One is the thought that some mothers don't want to do anything difficult
because they have been led to accept that life's experiences should be easy.

I had a client whom I worked with for 8 weeks before there was clear
success at breastfeeding- easy latch, no pain, adequate milk transfer, good
weight gain.  I didn't learn until a several weeks into the job that she
had limited learning skills.  She and her husband both struggle to
assimilate new material.  They did a good job of "doing" their lives and
their challenge was not easily detected.

Mom worked *so* hard and with every set-back in getting her little one to
the breast she renewed her resolve.  (They even changed Peds after a couple
of weeks of undermining by the first one. )  One day Mom told me that
everything that she had done in her life was hard.  She is a nurse and took
3 tries to pass the exam.  She struggled throughout school. She said that
she believes that she stuck with the breastfeeding challenges because she
was used to working hard for what she wanted.

A light went on in my head.  I thought of the clients who stop working on
feeding after a couple weeks of common learning challenges. Some are just
not used to working hard for what they want.

And for those who we think don't want to breastfeed, I had a case like
this.  All of the woman's friends were enthusiastic breastfeeders and when
she said that she did not want to feed, they urged her to call me to get
things going.  They assured her that once she began she would love it as
they did.

She was from a *very* wealthy, high profile family who was insisting that
she feed her baby so that he would have the best and also be intelligent.
He is the first grandson and a lot is expected of him

When she called me she let me know that she was not eager to breastfeed but
her friends wanted me to work with her. I assured her that I would respect
her wishes--either to not come at all or to come and do only as much as she
wanted me to.

I went to see her when baby was a week old and could feel her caution at
first.  Baby latched well and she said that he seemed to be not getting
much milk.  And he wasn't.  I urged her to feed him formula until he was
transferring milk better. We talked about many things concerning this
little one.  She seemed very protective of him and  it was clear that she
deeply treasured him.

After a long time of talking she said that she wanted to tell me something
that she did not want me to tell anyone.  She had had breast reduction
surgery 2 years before and that she felt that she would never have enough
milk for her baby. She did not want her friends (or her husband and his
family) to know about the surgery and so chose to tell them that she did
not want to feed her baby instead of facing judgement and failure.

We talked about how she could nourish him while bottle feeding and that she
could tell her friends anything she wanted to about our visit.  She was
relieved to know that I honored her way of living her life.

Most women don't tell us all that is behind their lack of resolve, but for
many possible reasons they cannot go on.

I agree with Nikki that some of them are from several generations of lack
of nurturing and they just don't know how to be what they haven't seen modeled.

Thank you to the posters who remind me that I am to do what I know and
leave with an acceptance that the rest is up to mother and baby (and the
"casts of thousands" who are in their lives).  I do need that reminder now
and then because I grieve the mother's and baby's loss.  But I can leave
them with a blessing in my heart instead of a judgement.

Pat Gima, IBCLC
Milwaukee, Wisconsin
Mailto:[log in to unmask]

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