>
>
>For me this is a balancing act, between being brutally honest (honestly
>brutal??) and living what I preach, which is that women have the right to
>respect for their choices even if I think the particular choice is
>regrettable.  In the long run I think erring on the side of respect is better,
>because I am known as a fierce advocate for breastfeeding and if I can show a
>woman respect, she will remember that, and even seek help from a BF advocate
>later.  If she perceives that I have written her off, she will never forget it
>and she may hold it against anyone she meets who is working for BF.
>
It is essential that we recognize this.
I have to say that I am disturbed about some of the approaches to
promoting breastfeeding. I know in my heart that women will give us lots
of indication about what they need to make breastfeeding possible if we
show respect, empathy, compassion and understanding -- and understanding
means *really* trying to "get" what is happening, especially if she is
making the decision not to breastfeed. I start from the assumption that
this decision comes from a lack of support and love somewhere along the
line. She did not get what she needed, and doesn't realize that she has
the ability to give anyone what they need, or that she can meet anyone's
needs -- her baby's, her own -- by breastfeeding.

My problem is that telling a mother that she is taking risks can be just
like telling a child not to climb because he could fall -- sometimes he
won't fall that time, and not believe you afterwards ("my health is
fine"). Other times, it will be a self-fulfilling prophecy and
contribute to the failure cycle: "I've failed at other things, I'll fail
at this too, and my failure has consequences" rather than changing the
underlying beliefs to "I can succeed at something."
Jo-Anne Elder-Gomes

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