Reading with interest Katherine Dettwyler's post, "Breastfeeding is NOT SEX"
and several responses to it, I noticed that those responding to her seem to
be emphasizing the emotionally satisfying aspects of breastfeeding.
However, I do not see anywhere in Kathy's post a denial, explicit or
implicit, that breastfeeding might be pleasurable for some.

I believe the point she is trying to make is that while breastfeeding might
be physically and emotionally pleasurable to some women at some times, (1)
it isn't always and we shouldn't make blanket statements about this, (2)
more importantly, many physically pleasurable sensations have nothing to do
with sex, sexual arousal, or erotic thoughts and feelings, and (3) the
pleasurable feelings one may derive from breastfeeding are not sexual nor
should they be confused as such.  At the risk of repetition, see Kathy's
chapter, Beauty and the Breast, in her book Breastfeeding: Biocultural
Perspectives, for a *great* discussion of this issue.

I also think that it is very inappropriate to sexualize children.  Children
have functioning sexual body parts and curiosity about those parts, but this
is a far cry from saying or implying that children want sex or desire to be
in a sexual relationship, as Freudians say, or that, when breastfeeding,
they are *in* an "interpersonal sexual relationship" with their mother.

Reclaiming breasts for their intended purpose of feeding our young in no way
precludes individual women from taking sexual pleasure in their breasts,
just as they or their partners might take sexual pleasure at a time and
place of their choosing in their shoulders, earlobes, ankles, or backs of
their knees.  At other times and places, those body parts are in no way
connected with sex.  Reclaiming breasts for their intended purpose of
feeding our young also in no way precludes women from saying that
breastfeeding is pleasurable.  But breastfeeding, while often pleasurable,
is not sex!

On another point, I also think that Kathy's comparison of breastfeeding with
breathing was also misunderstood.  I do not think she meant to imply that
breastfeeding, like breathing, is a mandatory activity and therefore may not
be given up.  What I took her to mean was that breastfeeding, like
breathing, is a physiological process which proceeds in an uneventful manner
in the normal course of affairs and is not *necessarily* accompanied by a
great deal of emotion.

We may also argue with her whether or not most, or many, or only a few women
derive pleasure from breastfeeding, but I don't think we really have the
data to say, as one writer did, that "most women do indeed find it very
pleasurable and to some extent very sensual."   What women think and feel
about breastfeeding will likely vary between cultures and sub-cultures, and
over time within groups and for individual women.  And of course, the amount
of pleasure a woman derives from breastfeeding is intimately connected with
her past and present experiences, her environment, her support system, the
particular baby, etc.  I don't think any of us really know definitively
whether or not, how much, and in what circumstances women find breastfeeding
pleasurable, or indeed, whether *most* women find it pleasurable.  If one
does, bravo!  But if one doesn't, that's fine, too.


Respectfully to all but nevertheless with conviction,
A mom who finds breastfeeding her 2 year old pleasurable about half the time
and who breastfeeds her 6 year old more for love than pleasure,

Barb Strange

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