The moralising of infant behaviour and mothering is a huge issue. What makes
a "good baby?"...In Australian culture a "good baby" is one that is
non-demanding, predictable, feeds infrequently, sleeps a lot at night and is
not particular about who is caring for them. Of course "good babies" are
created by "good mothers" and in order to be a "good mother" you must have a
"good baby." Conversely a poorly behaved baby ("bad baby") is also a result
of the mothering and so you are a "bad mother" if you have baby that wakes
at night, feeds frequently, is demanding etc. Of course we know that the
behaviours of a "bad baby" are perfectly normal behaviours, particularly in
the normally fed (ie breastfed) baby. A way that some mothers try to make
their babies good is to wean from breastfeeding. This may result in their
baby becoming "good" (or at least better) but then they are "bad mothers"
because everyone knows that "good mothers" breastfeed in the newborn period
and "bad mothers" formula feed. So in the paradigm that seeks to create
"good babies, " mothers are set up for failure. Only a small proportion can
possibly win. They can have the "good baby" but be a bad mother because they
bottle feed or they can breastfeed and have the "bad baby" because normal
infant behaviour is pathogised.
You've only got to talk to mothers who have been given that "nice concrete
advice" to only feed their babies when they are sufficient hungry, or after
a specified time or in a particular way etc etc and you hear them say things
like "I know I'm not supposed to but I feed my baby to sleep, sleep with my
baby, feed every hour in the afternoon etc etc." It is like they are
confessing something terrible and expecting sanction for it (sadly they
often do receive overt social sanctioning from not just friends and family
but also health profs). Such mothers will also ask "How many feeds is he
supposed to have now?" (note the meaning behind the word supposed) to find
out if they are mothering "correctly" or to receive instruction on how to be
a "good mother." Health professionals who provide advice that reflects
cultural expectations of what makes a "good baby" need to be aware that they
could well be making things more difficult for mothers (possibly
disempowering her, setting her up for failure etc etc ). Is it ethical for
professionals to buy in to this invisible ideology of our culture that
defines normal infant behaviour as pathological?
If anyone happens to be Wollongong next weekend I'm going to be talking to
the local CAFNA group on the "Mythical Good Mother."
Karleen Gribble
Australia
----- Original Message -----
From: "Felicia Henry" <[log in to unmask]>
To: <[log in to unmask]>
Sent: Sunday, June 22, 2008 11:34 AM
Subject: schedules & 'good' babies
Marianne,
Reading your post, which I love, the part about good and bad babies reminded
me of what I love to tell expectant and new parents about good babies. I
like to tell parents that your defination of a 'good' baby changes as you
have more children. A few weeks after our 3rd was born my cousin (who had 4
kids) called to see how things were going. I told her how he was different
from the others, he cried whenever he was wet (diaper or shirt from
drooling) or had a dirty diaper. She quickly said "What a good baby!
That's so much better than a baby who sits in a dirty diaper until they get
a rash and you feel like a bad mother." After you have a couple you really
learn that the 'good' babies are the ones who let you know when they need
something. So therefore all babies are good babies.
Felicia Henry, IBCLC, BCCE
Oxnard, CA
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