I'd like to clarify one point that I think wasn't very clear earlier  
in this thread. There was a mention of Yahoogroups for women  
exclusively pumping breastmilk. While it wasn't explicit, I felt the  
underlying presumption was that such groups (and I'm only aware of  
one, the one I run) go around encouraging exclusive pumping to the  
exclusion of feeding at the breast. This couldn't be more off the mark.

The group I'm involved in is a support source embracing women whose  
babies are completely unable to nurse at the time that they join the  
group. Rarely is this due to low supply in my experience (such women,  
with latching babies, are generally referred to groups like MOBI and  
informed on supplementer tubes, IBCLCs and the various methods of  
boosting supply).

More than half of our members have babies with diagnosed disabilities  
- complete cleft palate, extreme prematurity, severe neurological  
illness with exclusive tube feeding, and so on. The rest have  
ostensibly healthy babies, are trying their absolute utmost to feed  
at breast, usually with legions of assistance, and have come to the  
realisation that, at this point in time, their baby just is not  
latching and/or transferring milk. (Some of these babies do go on to  
have later formal diagnoses of various disorders, some don't). These  
are often women who have felt abandoned by their "face to face"  
support systems once it became clear that their baby was not rapidly  
catching on to feeding from the tap. I won't go into the details, but  
the outpourings of grief and sadness from women in this situation  
have to be seen to be believed, and I don't think there is one who  
hasn't been told to her face, more than once, that she "just hasn't  
tried hard enough" or "must not have really wanted to" if this  
happened to her.

Within the support group, there it substantial support and  
encouragement to continue to encourage babies to breast part-time,  
full-time, or for comfort, after cleft surgery, when the preemie is  
stable enough, and so on - and we have quite a few success stories in  
this regard. Other success stories consist of members meeting their  
pumping goals - be they six months, one year, two years or more (and  
there are plenty who have met their goals greater than 12 months!).  
Members are not judged and found wanting if their ongoing efforts to  
transition their babies to the breast don't result in the  
conventional definitions of success, and they're never told that "you  
can't EP long term" and "your supply will inevitably dry up" and "why  
would you bother doing that, you might as well formula feed" and "Are  
you doing that AGAIN/STILL??". It's a sanctuary from both the  
vituperative and the bemused reactions they face every day in the  
face to face world.

Mothers need peer-to-peer support groups. They especially need the  
support of their fellow mothers who have been through what they are  
going through, and understand both the physical and the emotional  
realities of their situation.

Lara Hopkins

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