<<) Some moms are dealing with severe emotional issues related to their
bodies and their sexuality.>>

Hey all, I wanted to respond to this in a very tangential way.  There
definitely is that issues.  There is also a wholly unrelated issue
that I think is virtually always overlooked.

There exists a significant group of us, who with no past hx of
emotional issues related to sexuality and no past hx of sexual abuse
or assault, still find breastfeeding *physically* uncomfortable.

I was shocked, totally and completely blindsided, to find myself in
that group.   I knew I was 'sensitive'.   My whole life I was
bombarded by an overstimulating barrage of lights, sounds and smells
and really it only got worse as I got older.   But it never ever
occured to me, ever in a million years that this would affect
breastfeeding.

From the very beginning, I knew I didn't like breastfeeding.  It was
totally shocking and very very disappointing.   The lactivist that I
am!  Not liking breastfeeding?  Finding it phsyically intolerable?  Of
course I continued.....I knew too much not too.   I often wished I
didn't. Heck, I had two homebirths.  I am an armchair biological
anthropolgist.  I'm allllll about breastfeeding very frequently, on
cue, in a sling, around the clock, for multiple years.

 Without going into long gory detail about nursing through 9 mos of
thrush and the nightmare of pregnancy and tandem nursing, and the
challenges this created in terms of feeling good about my nurslings
when I hated having them nurse, I will say that it gave me a new
understanding of why some moms want the out.  I wanted the out.  I
wouldn't have taken it but many times I wish  I would have.    I
absolutely believe that continuing to nurse was not the best thing for
my relationship with my kids (in my specific case).  It was that bad.

And as challenging as it was with my first, it was worse with my
second.  The end result of 7 years of nursing is a physical
hypersensitivy that beats all.

When we started dealing with some of my eldest child's issues, I saw
myself on the pages of books with titles like:

_The Out of Sync Child_
_Too Bright, Too Loud, Too Fast_
_The Sensory Sensititive Child_

and more.  Add to that the ADHD that I was dx'ed with 3 years ago
(thank G-d for that).  The ADHD seemed to potentiate the already
present sensitivity....plus I have a challenging temperment:).

It was wonderful to find some plausible reasons that were
just....physical.  Nothing else mysterious or dark or emotional.
There just wasn't anything else there.  It was just....me.

Considering how much harder it was to nurse my second child than my
first, even though she was soooo easy, fed well and quickly with a
great latch and all, the thought of a third pregnancy was very very
very concerning.  I just didn't know if I could nurse again.   And
yet, I wouldn't pump or formula feed and give my girls that as the
most prominent infant feeding experience in their lives.  So I didn't
get pregnant again.  There were other reasons as well, but that was
definitely a 'top two' reason.

Fwiw, most of the typical OT things have not been helpful for my
physical or auditory sensitivities.  For quite awhile, the most
helpful things were SAM-e, great nutrition, sufficient B vites, zinc
and fish oil, vitamin D.   Exercise neither helped nor hurt (but
helped other things certainly).  Massage and skin brushing neither
helped nor hurt (but were helpful in other ways).  Yoga and meditation
neither helped nor hurt (but helped other things).

Now I occasionally take adderall and it helps *tremendously*.   Things
are quieter.  I hear less ambient noise.  I see less ambient visual
distraction.   Touch is not as intense.

Anyhoo, just wanted to present another option for a mom who may be
struggling with the physical sensations of breastfeeding and who
doesn't have any hx of abuse or trauma.

All the best,
katherine

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