Jan wrote:
<< I wonder if a lot of the mothers who say something to the effect of, "I
don't think he's EATING, I think he's just using me as a pacifier" (a phrase
that
causes the little hairs on my neck to stand up and scream out loud....) have
not been touched a lot themselves as children>>
Ah yes I have those same hairs, Jan. I sometimes gently remark that since "to
pacify means to make peacefu" you are probably right, you are helping your
baby to be peaceful and relaxed." Sometimes we talk about how they can be useful
:
good tools for sucking/organizing for preemies who cannot have their moms
around all the time and need the practice and comfort, or how moms can't really
be "pacifiers" as products, since pacifiers are mother substitutes, so the
mother is the real thing and the pacifier can only attempt to take her place,
not the other way around. We also talk about how moms can feel like they just
can't sit there a minute longer, sometimes, have to pee, eat, etc., the whole
overwhelmingness we often felt in the beginning when "finessing" breastfeeding,
working out the kinks, etc. With inefficiently feeding babies there is hope
that as they become better feeders, mom won't feel the same sense of
exasperation during feedings that seem to take so long. Or mom grows into understanding
her baby's needs. I happened to see a mom last night whose baby is now nearing
5 months. She struggled mightily in the beginning with soreness, some of
which was latch-related, and some of which just seemed to have to do with her
baby's real need to just nurse and nurse and nurse. No obvious latch problem then,
but she always said it hurt and would show me blebs and scabs I honestly
could not see any evidence of. ( Mom is ER MD.) This guy would nurse for 30
minutes, take in 3 ounces, and still not want to let go. He grew into/is now, a
baby who, when mom is working takes in up to 8 or 10 ounces of milk happily and
without problems, from the bottle at a sitting. The fact that they are still
nursing, and he is even brought to the ER area to nurse once or twice during
shifts, makes me think that though an unusual situation with a baby who really
feeds HIS way, on his timetable, has helped his mom understand who he is as a
person. He also "spoke up loudly" when eating his pears ( he was taking over 40
ounces of EBM and she decided to start light solids rather than rely on
formula for the remainder of his needs) deciding he had had enough solids, and
wanted more nursing. ( He had nursed before the pears, too.) She knew him now, and
accepted him and his needs. She told me " he still has a very strong
personality, I guess I thought that was a phase, but this is my boy! He knows what
he needs. " She was smiling and looking tired at the same time. Anyway, I'm
rambling now, so I will stop. Moms as pacifiers... moms as peacemakers...then it
sounds like a good thing. :)
Judy LeVan Fram, Brooklyn, USA
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