This was always one of my biggest concerns when I worked in the
hospital.  I have seen moms struggling to stay awake for
wall-to-wall visitors almost from the moment of delivery (and
sometimes before)!  It is an improvement today from the days when
visiting hours, even for dads and other immediate family members was
limited to an hour twice a day and they could only see baby through
a window and baby wrapped up like a burrito!  As visiting hours
relaxed, however, nurses were often saddled with the job of being
policemen and gatekeepers as in "Are you an immediate family
member?  How can those children be baby's siblings?  I though this
was mom's first baby!" etc.  Rather than seeing visiting hours as
"wide open" we need to see them as "flexible".  Control of visitors
is and should be in the hands of the patient and family.  However,
this requires some sensitivity, tact and at times downright
assertiveness!  The solution, IMHO, lies in prenatal and community
education.  In my prenatal breastfeeding classes, I would always
take a few minutes to say something like,

"We have wide open visiting hours from 11 in the morning 'till 8:30
at night and anytime for immediate family.  Please keep in mind,
however, that that doesn't mean you are expected to or should have a
flood of visitors round the clock.  It is to allow you to plan for
your visitors when it is most convenient for you and for them.
Every new mom loves to show off her baby, relate the birth
experience and hear the "oohs" and "aahs" over her baby.  Howeever,
it is important to keep in mind that in the short time you will be
here after delivery your 2 primary tasks are to begin your physical
recovery and to begin to learn how to care for yourself and baby
including learning how to nurse.  These 2 tasks must take precedence
over visitors, no matter how nice they may be."

I encourage expectant parents to talk about the visitor issue with
their family BEFORE baby is born.  They need to let family and
firends know that while they really want to see them and show off
baby, they do need time alone, so they will be asking visitors to
hold off for a while.  Here is one place where new parents who live
a long way from immediate family have an advantage.  When the entire
extended family lives close by, each one feels THEY are the ones who
should come first when it comes to meeting the new baby!  I even
heard of one couple that held a drawing to see who could visit in
the hospital and who would have to wait!  I think it was Pat Gima
who pointed out that the first days with a new baby should be like
the first days of a newly married couple.  Noone would think of
dropping in unannounced the first few days after a wedding!  Newly
expanded families deserve the same consideration.

Winnie

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