I guess that the "Scarlet Z" issue is one that plagues all of us at least
some of the time. One of the problems is that it isn't just a matter of our
"feelings" and frustrations - it affects how we practice. As someone (I
think Mira Liebovitch) pointed out, we often don't know whether to make
follow-up calls. As a consequence, I'm sure there are women who don't get
calls that would be of benefit to them, or those from whom some tid-bit of
information that would be the key to their success is held back, out of fear
of putting pressure on them.

I try to deal with this in my own professional life by just plain old
*asking* women who seem to me to be "on the edge" about a bfing issue what
they want. Does she WANT me to help her understand why BFing only four times
a day won't allow her body to make enough milk, and what she can do to fix
it? Or does she WANT me to give her support and information for partial
bfing? If I'm working with her over a long period of time, I keep asking, to
see that I'm still helping her meet her goals, not mine. I often get answers
that surprise me - and it sure saves me (and them, I guess) a lot of time
and trouble sometimes.

I find that it's not at all the same, when I'm asking and listening in a
spirit of genuine openness to her answer, as when she is asked by others if
she "really" wants to bf. (As in "You still want to bf that baby, even
though he has to nurse 'all the time'?" She knows that I am the bfing
"expert", and she has come to me, so she *knows* that, of all the people she
may know or receive health care from, I'm for sure the one that's going to
support breastfeeding!

I try (it's like a mantra with me) to always bear in mind that I'm there to
help her be the best mother she can be to that baby. If that includes
working to make bfing work for her, we're both lucky, 'cause that's what I
do for a living. If it turns out that what she wants is mostly support of a
different kind, I do my best to give it, knowing that any way I can
strengthen this mother's sense of self-value will empower her to be the best
parent she can be.

I hope this doesn't sound like being a weak sister - I'm not, believe me!

Cathy Bargar, RN, IBCLC Ithaca NY