Dear all;

Dr. T has shared that a mother she is working with has a very consistently 
unhappy baby in daycare.

How frustrated and sad this mother must feel!  I can only imagine her 
trepidation as she goes to rejoin her children at daycare, feeling as 
thought her baby may have had "problems" during her absence and she is going 
to "hear" about it.  My heart goes out to her, and I commend her for her 
commitment.

I appreciate the posts others have made; thank you, Norma, for suggesting we 
need to provide working mothers with more options to keep their babies 
close.  Shannon suggested a bit of skin contact with the care provider. 
Thank you to those of you who gave information and suggestions about 
offering smaller portions, good physical contact, slinging, and learning 
more about whether bottles are being propped, etc.  Those are all really 
good places to start, in trying to determine what may be contributing to the 
triggering of these behaviors.

I would like to suggest a few more things- can this mother get to her baby 
to nurse at any point during the day?  Is the care provider willing to bring 
the baby to mother to nurse?  Would this mother be open to finding another 
care provider until the point that baby is not as unhappy, particularly if 
her care provider is not willing to be flexible and accommodating?

In the event none of these things are workable, the baby may benefit from: 
mother's voice- soothing tape recording of mother singing, talking to baby 
using his name; phone calls from mother, if she's not already calling- and 
talking to HIM- can the provider call mother for soothing in the event the 
baby is inconsolable?  And last, but certainly not least, I wonder if this 
baby would benefit from a worn article of mother's clothing?  Some babies 
are able to relax a bit more if they can smell mother; a worn nightie or 
other item that has been worn a few days (doesn't smell like laundry 
detergent) can do wonders for some babies who miss their mothers intensely.

Cee brings up a good point about mothers feeling guilty or pressured if they 
have to return to work.  I'm sorry, Cee, that you didn't get good 
information from LLL.  These days, LLL has a wealth of information to offer 
mothers who have separation.  This mother can also be encouraged to visit 
the LLL web site (www.lalecheleague.org)  to get more information.  Under 
the "breastfeeding information" link, she can find FAQs by subject or topic, 
including (but not limited to) working and breastfeeding, milk storage 
guidelines, making the transition back to work and many, many others.  In 
addition, there are articles from LLL's magazine for mothers, NEW 
BEGINNINGS, that are available.  There's a whole slew on working and 
pumping!  Perhaps she could get some additional ideas there?

Some mothers may not thoroughly examine their personal situations to help 
them come to a conclusion that is workable for staying home.  Many mothers 
don't know the effect separation actually has on their babies, and that 
information can make a huge impact on decisions.  Some mothers are single 
parents and literally have no choice but to return to work.  Regardless of 
the end result, *all* breastfeeding mothers need to be supported.   Many 
mothers have been 100% successful breastfeeding after a return to work.  I 
can only hope that at some point, babies are allowed to accompany mothers as 
they go about their daily lives as adults; or at the very least be *very* 
near by and easily accessible to their mothers.

I would also encourage this mother to attend an evening LLL meeting, if she 
has one in her Area.  Meetings can be a great place to meet other mothers, 
working or not, and to be in an environment of support.  Other working 
mothers who attend can share their solutions, and maybe this mother can be 
encouraged and get more ideas.

I wish this mother the best of luck.  She's lucky to have Dr. Tieman and 
others for support, since it sounds like she is getting the short end of the 
stick from the daycare providers.  What an uncomfortable situation she must 
be in.

I don't think it's too late to make lemonade as best she can.

Warmly,
Tallis M. 

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