As a rape survivor, I would like to chime in.
I agree with the women who have posted that it is possible for a woman with a hx of sexual abuse/assualt to engage in healthy sexual relationships in adulthood and still feel uncomfortable with nursing.
I am very pleased with the sexual relationship I enjoy with my husband. He is a very loving, protective man (most of the time), and I have been able to enjoy our marital relationship more than I ever thought I would be able to.
Both of my children were exclusively breastfed as infants. My son weaned naturally at 3 years, 4 months. My daughter, just turned 3, is still nursing on demand, although we do not nurse when we are away from home.
Over the last few months, her desire to nurse at night has made me a bit batty. I never though to connect it to my prior trauma. After reading the posts on the list the last few days, it makes sense. My husband needs to get up VERY early for school and work. Because of that, I have not night-weaned my daughter. If she were to cry loudly at night during the night-weaning process, it would keep him up, and he would not be able to function properly at school, or at work, which would create potentially serious risks to his physical safety (he is training to become an electrician, and works in finish caprentry and low-voltage wiring). Therefore, I sometimes feel "forced" to nurse my daughter at night, when I know that she could eventually be comforted back to sleep with cuddles and songs. Now, no one is coming into her room and telling me to nurse her back to sleep, but that is the vibe I feel. I can certainly understand where a mother of an infant may feel the same way about
breastfeeding. It's all about control of one's body. Nursing on demand may make a mother feel that she must surrender control to her baby. While we may all agree that breasts are primarially feeding and nurturing tools, not sexual objects, society at large does not support this view.
This thread has certainly given me a ton of insight into mothers who opt to exclusively pump. It was only through the support of my family and a great therapist that I was able to get over the trauma I experienced as a young teenager. I recognize that many women do not have that level of support and may have a bucket full of "issues" to deal with when they become mothers.
Kellie Whitney
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