>>I guess my question is when do we
decide it is in the child's best interest to learn how to sleep a night
through so they will be well rested and happy in the morning, and how do
you make this happen after they have been in your bed for the first two
years of their life?

I guess I'd say this isn't something we have to teach them.  My 11-or-so
year old heard me talking about a pop radio psychologist who says if you let
that baby in your bed you'll never get him out.  "That's a *lie*!" he said,
his eyes flashing fire.

"Why Eric," I said, "you seem to have a pretty strong opinion about this.
What made you leave *our* bed?" (after a couple years, it was our boys'
procedure to start the night in twin beds - sometimes sharing one - in their
own room, but to come into ours whenever they wanted.)

"Well, you know," he said, "it's a funny thing.  Whenever I needed you, I
woke up.  But when I stopped needing you, I just stopped waking up."  I
thought it was interesting that the feeling of the one who'd *had* the
feelings was that he didn't wake and then need me, but needed me and then
wakened.

Actually, toward the end when only one of them ever came in, our
less-than-double antique bed wasn't really adequate for 3, so when he came
into our room, I'd go sleep in his bed, which had a better mattress anyway.
But for years I wondered why my knees were always cold at night.  When we
got a standard double, after the kids were no longer coming in, I realized
why.  My knees had been hanging off the edge for years...

And there came a point when we'd say, "You know, you're welcome to come in
whenever you like," and they'd say, "oh... no..."  and my husband and I were
downright wistful for the days of tangled and restless legs and arms.

If I had it to do again, I *know* what I'd do.  I'd buy a king-sized
mattress and put it on the floor.  For the sake of an attractive antique bed
that no one ever saw, I'd had cramped positions and cold knees for years.
Silly, silly me.

I think it's worth noting that our boys, now 17 and 20, have been a pleasure
all their lives, including the teen years.  There's no doubt in my mind that
all the nursing and body contact and, yes, broken sleep in their younger
years, are largely responsible.  They both sleep like the dead now... and I
still waken at night and read, often for a couple hours.  Losing my children
from our bed just made my nights lonelier, not more restful.  Sigh.

Diane Wiessinger, MS, IBCLC  Ithaca, NY

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