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From:
Rachel Myr <[log in to unmask]>
Reply To:
Lactation Information and Discussion <[log in to unmask]>
Date:
Mon, 7 Jun 2010 14:47:39 -0400
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I'm still reading the article but wanted to respond before I leave for another night shift in an hour.  I second everything Heather said in her post.  The article cites a comment to the 2005 UK report on infant feeding, as follows:
"The reasons mothers gave for abandoning breastfeeding suggest that relatively few mothers truly chose not to breastfeed ... Most women ... stop because they encounter problems and find that skilled support is not readily available."

This has been shown in many and diverse settings.  We who do provide skilled support to women encountering problems are also uniquely placed to listen to womens' reactions to previous experiences in which they may not have had support and ended up weaning prematurely.  And we are of course easy targets at parties, meetings, and other chance meetings with women who are carrying around a lot of grief and/or anger over their disappointing experience because there was never anywhere to go with it.  

One of the areas in which I have felt a need to hone my skills is precisely in listening and responding to such outbursts.  I really really make an effort to hear the pain behind them, and it works well in allowing the woman to actually get some support for her grief, even decades after the fact.  My hope is that it will lead to a more functional response to their own daughters' breastfeeding problems, should they arise - from 'I never breastfed you, and you turned out all right' to 'When I had you, there was no help available and I didn't have the chance to solve the problems that led to you being weaned.  Use the services you're being offered, and you may have a better experience than I did with you'.

I can not recall a single instance in which a woman did not respond positively to respectful listening, and *careful* re-addressing of the anger.  Women have appallingly low expectations for help with anything pertaining to mothering, the assumption being that we are all born with an obligation to know how to do it all without anyone showing us the way because we have two X chromosomes.  It had never occurred to most of the older women I have met with awful breastfeeding experiences that there should have been better help available.  Young mothers don't even expect it now, when the health services preach Breast is Best at every opportunity!  

Rachel Myr
Kristiansand, Norway

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