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From:
Judy Fram <[log in to unmask]>
Reply To:
Lactation Information and Discussion <[log in to unmask]>
Date:
Fri, 21 Mar 1997 10:57:33 -0500
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I was struck by Lana's comment about the term "extended" breastfeeding making
it sound like this is "beyond the normal course" of nursing. This reminds me
of the JHL editorial "Watch your language" which cautioned us that when we
speak of the "benefits" of BF or the "decrease" in SIDS, we obscure the fact
that nursing is what a human child requires and expects (physiologically
speaking) , and what we mean is that ABM has risks, is sub-standard, and
INCREASES a child's risk for SIDS. Maybe we should refer to moms who nurse
beyond a year, or whatever, as moving along "the nursing curve". All children
move along statistical curves as they walk and talk. These are normal human
behaviors which occur in their time, with various levels of outside
encouragement from grown-ups. Weaning, whether as the intro of solids at the
appropriate time, or the cessation of nursing, is a human developmental
milestone as well. Under normal circumstanes it should not be forced. Skill
aquisition differs from child to child, but occurs somewhere along the
statistical curve, at the place that is right for the individual. Most
parents do not force their child to walk at 12 months, no on can force a
child to speak til he's ready, and many have realized that toilet learning
come in its own time as well. Society needs to be constantly reminded that
the 2 year old nursling is the human NORM, not the abberation. There is
little to gain,( that ole perception of freedom?) and much to lose from
premature weaning. Ms. Dettwyler should be required reading for all MDs and
their families, to try to normalize the horribly skewed cultural perspective
they take for reality. As a normal human skill and behavior nursing ends when
it is time for it to end. I tell parents that developmental skills, like
weaning, are like opening a door. Some children will run over to the door,
throw it open and run through- others need us to open the door for them.,
stand in the doorway, or begin to walk through saying" gee it looke nice out
there. shall we go there together?" Eventually all children will cross
through. People are so used to hands-off parenting, and they hear its'
"Benefits" everywhere, that seeing a normal, close, mother-child bond looks
weird to them , oppressive, "Too much mother" as Gloria Steinam said. We just
have to keep on saying  and showing what human norms actually are. Even
amongst ourselves, comments in a recent post such as that a mother/ child
wouldn't get any"longevity awards in the LLL-IBCLC crowd" for their length of
nursing lose sight of this as a DEVELOPMENTAL skill, not a race where the
longest nurser wins. The way our children "win" is when we respect their path
and pace, and encourage/support them in whatever way they require. I call
this "Developmental Parenting". Thanks to JHL and Ms. Dettwyler, and others
for reminding us what being human is really like.  Judy, Brooklyn, NY
PS. Russell Stover makes some delicious dark chocolate, dairyless, Easter
eggs, and peeps- if you don't mind the gelatin-, are usually dairy free as
well. (Peeps are those yellow chicks in the packages...) Kosher holiday foods
can make choices easy as well.    Happy HolyDay eating.

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