Hi Fio,
This is certainly a difficult situation! Of course you really want to
help this mom, but as you said, you don't want to be drawn in to an
unhealthy relationship where she is dependent on you.
I don't have any great ideas, but some of Jack Newman's handouts have
been translated into Chinese. Most are not really relevant to this
situation, but there is one called "Breastfeeding: Starting Out Right"
that might be helpful. (I didn't look at it as I don't know Chinese,
but I do trust Dr. Newman.)
http://www.asklenore.info/aboutus/jacknewman.html (at the bottom of
the page)
Okay, actually, I do have two thoughts--although I have no idea if
they would work:
1. It sounds like her main feeding "problem" is lack of frequency and
that she doesn't initiate feeds (the latter leading to the former). Is
the husband supportive of her breastfeeding? If so, could you enlist
him to be in charge of reminding her to put baby to breast every 2
hours? Make the chart, as someone else suggested, and give him the job
of filling it out. I'm not very familiar with Chinese culture, but if
this is culturally appropriate (and would work in their relationship),
it might help get things started until BF becomes more habitual for
her. I think sometimes husbands back off when there is are BF
difficulties because they feel powerless to help or "fix" things.
Having a job can make them feel more useful and therefore more
supportive.
2. Since she has a fixation about your CANADIAN milk, what about using
"Canadian-ness" as a selling point for what you tell her? For
instance, info from Jack Newman, you could emphasize that this is what
the CANADIAN dr says all mothers should do, or tell her that CANADIAN
mothers BF x times per day, or use skin to skin, etc. etc., and talk
about how she lives in Canada now, so she is Canadian, too. Or, since
she breathes the Canadian air, just as you do, the Canadian air will
make her milk just as good as yours. I'm sure you get the idea. ;-)
You are a very good friend. You do not have to be a wet nurse or a
milk donor or this baby's mother. In the end, this mom has to take
responsibility for how she feeds her child. Yes, right now, your
providing a few oz is plenty (and a wonderful gift), but of course the
baby will only need more and more milk as time goes on. I know for
myself that I would become very resentful if I were taking time &
energy to pump milk for someone who was fully capable of BF her own
baby (I pumped for 7 months for a dear friend who had had breast
surgery, while BF my own baby at the same time, and I didn't resent it
at all, but it did take time & energy). I don't think you should feel
at all guilty for not wanting to get drawn into such a relationship.
Good luck navigating this sticky situation!
Best wishes,
Jennifer (Long Island, NY)
PS If you didn't see it already, there's this site: http://www.nlm.nih.gov/medlineplus/languages/breastfeeding.html
- and the PDF's have both English & Chinese so you can see exactly
what they say.
On Sep 11, 2009, at 8:08 AM, MacBump wrote:
> Lastly, other than the LLLI website that has chinese pages (which I
> accessed) does anyone else have any other *good quality* online
> pages in
> chinese characters for her? Things that talk about how it's ok to
> hold a
> baby and not spoil it, how to ensure having enough milk (by nursing
> frequently) etc.?
> Thanks!
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