Dear Oprah:

Get REAL about Breastfeeding!

Dr. Phil, the psychology guru of Oprah, has given us the life laws book, Life
Strategies, that you so fervently endorse.  How about applying these laws to
something of the utmost importance for baby and maternal
health--breastfeeding?

Life Law #1: You either get it or you don't.  "You break the current Life Law
whenever you operate without the necessary information and skills to create
the results you want," Dr. Phil.  If you want to breastfeed because you know
it is the gold standard for nourishing your infant, then you must seek out
accurate information on technique, benefits, and risks of NOT providing
breastmilk to your baby.  One place you can "get it" is from a lactation
consultant.

 Life Law #2: You create your own experience.  "Acknowledge and accept
accountability for your life," Dr. Phil.  This law is for all the women who
think of themselves as "victims"--of breastfeeding, of pressure to
breastfeed.  You are in charge of yourself; you make your own choices.  If
breastfeeding isn't what you want or what you thought it would be, move out
of the victim role by becoming accountable. What have you done to make it
work or not work?  What else can you do??

Life Law #3: People do what works.  " Identify the payoffs that drive your
behavior," Dr. Phil.  We do what we do because it works for us.   Most of the
benefits of breastfeeding apply to the lucky baby getting the milk; if we as
mothers directly reaped the benefits of drinking breastmilk or paid the price
for consuming artificial baby milk, we would all breastfeed if any way
possible.  What are the payoffs for breastfeeding?  Stronger attachment to
baby? Convenience?  Knowledge baby is getting the best possible food from
nature's intended food source?  Return to pre-pregnancy weight?  Natural
spacing between babies?  Better health for your child?  Reducing your risk of
breast cancer?

Life Law #4:  You cannot change what you do not acknowledge.  "Stop making
excuses and start making results," Dr. Phil.   As long as mothers refuse to
acknowledge their own self-defeating behaviors toward breastfeeding, they
impede their chances for success.  Denial gets us no where!  Everyone has
heard moms who say "Oh, I really wanted to breastfeed but I just didn't have
enough milk/couldn't be tied down/baby didn't like the breast...."  Get real
about the excuses!  And get real about what you tried, and how long you tried
it, and what else you could do.   If it didn't work, was it because of what
YOU wanted or what the baby wanted?

Life Law #5:    Life rewards action.  "When you choose the behavior (the
action), you choose the consequences.  The better the choices, the better the
results; the better the behavior, the better the results," Dr. Phil.  If you
don't make every attempt to breastfeed, you won't know the success of being
closely attached to your healthy and bright breastfed baby!  Those who
breastfeed see very positive results for themselves and their children.  It
is the best choice for babies; breastfeeding is better than any intention to
breastfeed.

Life Law #6:  There is no reality; only perception.   "Identify the filters
through which you view the world'" Dr. Phil. Is your perception of
breastfeeding that it is a difficult task that only the few can manage?  Is
your perception of breastfeeding determined by the popular cultural
implication that formula feeding is almost as good?  If you don't have the
latest, scientific information about breastfeeding, then you are making a
choice based on incomplete data!  If you want to successfully breastfeed,
surround yourself in the truthful benefits; seek out others with positive
experiences and perceptions-- La Leche League is a good place to look!

Life Law #7:  Life is managed, it is not cured.  "Never in your life are you
without problems and challenges.  Learn to take charge of your life and hold
on, " Dr. Phil.  Take charge of your choice to breastfeed your baby!   Many
women encounter no problems at all in this natural way of feeding a child,
but if you do have a difficulty, get help!  Find a doctor who supports you in
your decision to breastfeed.  Find friends who do.   Know where to find a
lactation consultant!  Read books!   Approach any difficulties as a natural
part of parenting--find a solution and move on!  Overcoming a difficulty with
breastfeeding may require consulting an expert or doing a bit of research,
but it generally is less costly than buying different formulas and bottles to
solve a difficulty with artificially feeding baby.

Life Law #8:  We teach people how to treat us.  "Learn to renegotiate your
relationships to have what you want,"  Dr. Phil.  No where is this more true
than for breastfeeding!  The medical personnel who treat us may or may not be
entirely supportive of breastfeeding; it is up to us to educate them and
demand that the choice to breastfeed is treated as medically significant.
We, as a powerful consumer group, teach the world how to treat us by our
commercial support or protest of issues and products that impact
breastfeeding.  The world around you may not have good information about
breastfeeding, but you can offer what you know.  If you are not being treated
the way you think is just, you make yourself heard, as a pro-breastfeeding
mother or expert interested in the health of mothers and babies
everywhere.....

Life Law #9:  There is power in forgiveness.  "Take your power back from
those who have hurt you," Dr. Phil.  Have you had a bad experience with
breastfeeding?  Are you angry or resentful because you tried and failed
before?  Do you feel guilty for not breastfeeding or for using artificial
baby milk?  Ugly emotions and bitterness prevent us from taking action and
moving in positive directions.  If you have had a negative experience with
breastfeeding, forgive yourself, forgive others, so you can MOVE ON!  Until
that negative experience is forgiven and re-framed in a positive light, it
can hold you back from being successful in the future.  Too many women have
experiences with birthing and nursing that they consider undesirable and
negative.  Once we move past the negative emotions, we can see each time we
did not get what we desired as a learning experience for the future; in this,
 we gain power!

Life Law #10:  You have to name it before you can claim it.  "Get clear about
what you want and take your turn," Dr. Phil.  You have to know what you want,
and what you don't want, before you can figure out how to attain it.  If you
want the gold standard for feeding an infant, you want to breastfeed.   If
you want to decrease your baby's health, growth, and development while
increasing risk of illness and disease, you choose not to breastfeed.
Fortunately, getting what you want is not difficult.  You need to be
committed to feeding your baby nature's perfect food, you need at least one
good working breast and nipple, an infant, and a knowledge of where to find
support should you have questions.

Sincerely,
Mary Kay Robinson, mommy of 3, reality therapist, lactation educator

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