I read with interest the email about ferberizing, and am glad that so
much people already responded. what allways strikes me in the
ferberizing and ezzo's view is that breastfeeding is only seen as a way
of feeding the baby. Not a way to nurture the child, to provide
antibodies, to give security. Instead these functions of bf are often
pictured as not good. Eg, as in the email about ferebrizing is written
that a baby shouldn't be feed until he sleeps.

This way of breastfeeding is very common in the Netherlands. The basic
principle of the 3 RRR's (rest, regularity and cleaniness) , that was
introduced in the 20ies is still prominent in our thougths about child
raising. It is a very detached style. Eg, it is very common here to
leave a baby alone at home in the crib, while the mother goes out for
shopping or dropping the older children off at the school.

Babies are expected to sleep through the nigth at about 2 months of age,
and ideed a lot of them do that, adaptable as human babies are, bc they
are exposed to such a very structured schedule from birth on. The
parents of the babies who do not sleep throught he night are indeed very
devastated, and exhausted.  I was one of such parents, since I'm not
such an organised person, and did not stick to such a rigid structure of
the day. Instead I believed that babies form birth on, shouldn't be put
away out of the parents sigth, but should be involved in the family
life. and indeed, they didn't sleep through the nigth, and it made me
feel as I did something terrible wrong. That's the reason I tried to do
it more on a maistream manner with my second child. This leaded to his
premature weaning at 11 months.

now with my third child I know better. Thanks to people as Kathy
Dettwyler I know that this expectations of a baby are unnatural. And
that by wanting to involve your child in your life is normal and healthy
for both mother and child. It leads to attachment. Pieter does not sleep
through the nigth. instead he nurses several times a night. He is a very
secure child, much more secure than my second son. And I am much more
relaxed than before. And although i am tired sometimes, I am not as
exhausted as i was during the babyhood of my older children. Just
because I know I do well, and don't listen to experts who try to tell my
my child should sleep through the night.

Indeed, perception of the sleep pattern of the babies is everything. If
one perceives it as a problem, it is a problem for the parents. The baby
just follows his natural cues. And that's the point that I abhor most in
this ferberizing theory. They are programs made for parents, to help
them to have a better night, but it is presented as being good for
babies.

Anyway, I wander away from what I wanted to write: I see here that this
style of breastfeeding (breastfeeding only for nutrition, and on a
schedule, and not during the nigth) often leads to nursing strikes,
biting and premature weaning. Depending on the milk storage capacity of
the mother, she starts to have a drop in her supply at 2, 3, 4, 5 or 6
months.

Yesterday I heard a terrible story that did keep me out my sleep this
night. It's a similar example of what Kathy D. wrote about people who
are not willing to adapt to having a child.

In the parenting magazine "Ouders van Nu" (Parents today), there is the
story of a woman who wanted to wean her 6 mo baby, 'bc she was getting
too tired of it". It is in the column "fellow sufferers" what means she
is looking for sympathy. Her baby refuses to take a bottle. So, they
started to starve the baby. After 4 days the baby finally took 40 cc.
The baby was hospitalized and the following 2 weeks trained for taking
the bottle. I think the docters were afraid the baby would getting
dehydrated, and the mother still refused to nurse , so there was no
other way. (in their eyes).

I'm wondering how much sympathy this mother will receive. I think it is
plain abuse to willingly refuse a child food and comfort for 4 days and
longer. And how will this relation develop itn the future? I'm shivering
when I think about it.

IMO the magazine itself is guilty of this too, bc they often write that
breastfeeding is so tiring.

--
Annelies Bon               http://www.flnet.nl/~0bon01/bfbronnen.html
mother of Dirk 7yo, Tom 5yo, Pieter 23mo
mailto:[log in to unmask]
bf counsellor in training of the Dutch bf org "Borstvoeding Natuurlijk"