Reading Lisa's post on the challenging situation regarding a teen mother
broke my heart.  So many young girls are becoming mothers with
absolutely no idea what the job really entails.  Some have been
unfortunately parented themselves and have had no role model for
mothering, and our culture provides no real opportunity for most young
women to have a realistic and working knowledge of motherhood. Carrying
an egg around in a basket for a week just won't do it!  (Have any of you
heard about the new computerized "baby" dolls now being incorporated
into high school programs?)

Many of these young women choose parenthood for one of two reasons (and
they are probably intertwined for many): One, to have something on this
earth that loves them without question, no matter what.  That idealized
pink or blue daydream of a gurgling infant. Two, to seize control of
their lives and attain the magical status of adulthood. It can be very
difficult for them to recognize that what they want now must be
considered in light of another human being for whom they are
responsible. It can be very, very hard for these moms to readjust their
views of Life With Baby to one more in line with reality, but it is
essential. In Lisa's case, so this young woman wants to attend regular
school and have her parents care for and pay for her baby?  Have her
parents considered the possibility that they may simply have to enforce
that she will purchase her own formula for her baby if she chooses that
route?  That *she* take responsibility for all (or the vast majority of)
feedings, even those that come at inconvenient times? That she pay for
babysitting services etc?  I know this sounds rather harsh, and believe
me, I do sympathize with her, as well as with her mother who would
probably love to help her daughter out.  But there is no other way that
this young mom is going to understand just what it is she has embarked
upon. I know one mom who chose to have others adopt her baby after one
month.  Very sad, yes, but hopefully ultimately the best for all
concerned. In light of this family dynamic, if I were a betting woman, I
would bet that within two months the grandmother has assumed the role of
mother for this little one, and the mother has resumed her teenage life.

Regarding breastfeeding, young women have all the usual fears and lack
of modeling/information of most new mothers in our culture, with some
additional considerations as well.  There are usually some intense body
image/sexuality issues to deal with, and from what Lisa has said of this
woman, they may be compounded. Their concerns are usually quite
self-centered, as adolescence in this culture is a very self-centered
time. It may help to find out what her particular concerns are and
address breastfeeding in light of how it will help *her*.

 I fear that sometimes teen moms are written off as far as breastfeeding
goes. Lisa, you are to be commended for your efforts with this mom, and
I would like to share a story that I will always remember (I heard this
at a Conference in Missouri): A lactation consultant who works almost
exclusively with high-risk, young mothers was giving a talk at a local
school. After her spiel, one young woman spoke up very proudly and said
"I breastfed *my* baby!" A male classmate asked how long.  "Three days!"
was her proud response.  Whoever worked with this mom owes themselves a
big hand, in my opinion.  Okay, maybe she didn't breastfeed for long,
but she *did* try, and she *does* regard this as a very positive
experience. Rather than concentrating on the fact that it was "only"
three days, she was made to feel good about what she did, and good about
breastfeeding. It seems to me that this just increases the likelihood
that she will try again with her next baby (and in the U.S., she is most
likely to be pregnant again within 2 years).