I am so sorry to hear that a family in your care is struggling with a
difficult custody and visitation arrangement, while the baby is still
breastfeeding.
It is critically important that the mother have an excellent family law
lawyer to represent her own interests. She needs to do whatever it takes
to get a real lawyer to work on her behalf. If Baby is lucky, they will be
able to have the court appoint a lawyer (called a child advocate, or
guardien ad litem), but to be honest, that rarely happens. Even when there
are very serious allegations afoot (abuse; neglect) that is not a guarantee
that the child will get a lawyer, who will be a different lawyer from the
one for each of the parents.
While I am often asked (as a JD IBCLC), I don't write a letter for, or
consult with, any parent, sight unseen, in a pending family law case. *I
have worked as an expert witness, **but I do it with, have all my
communications through, and get paid by THE LAWYER.*
In the rare situations where an expert witness* is* used, I advise that
someone from the local state or even county be called. Family law courts
are notoriously parochial, and hauling in an "expert" from across the
country can easily backfire. That is a strategic call the lawyer has to
make knowing the judge, the client (e.g. the mother), and the facts of the
case.
But I also think an IBCLC expert is rarely truly needed. More helpful is an
expert on attachment parenting, who is familiar with child development and
needs, about which breastfeeding is just a small part. The pediatrician is
often the most persuasive person to write a letter in support of the
situation, if a letter is used. They have known the baby all their life,
and the court is supposed to be thinking about "the needs of the child."
but sometimes the pediatriican is not as supportive of BFg as one would
like.
When breastfeeding becomes the focus of the case, it quickly becomes
demonized, and that NEVER helps. Courts are notoriously
non-breastfeeding-friendly. However, the two parents have two decades of
co-parenting to be figured out, and breastfeeding will be long gone sooner
than the mother -- in very understandable "breastfeeding mama bear mode" --
can appreciate now. It is critically important that all aspects of child
care, custody and vistaition -- not just the breastfeeding part -- be
worked out NOW. It sets the tone for years to come.
Here are some resources that I share when I get these inquiries:
(1) I love all the resources on the La Leche League Breastfeeding and the
Law pages: http://www.llli.org/law/lawus.html
(2) It is a hard read, but this blog from the Leaky Boob may resonate:
http://theleakyboob.com/2011/02/a-journey-through-breastfeeding-and-visitation/
(3) Kathryn Dettwyler PhD has a generic letter about long-term
breastfeeding that anyone can use:
http://kathydettwyler.weebly.com/2014-court-letter.html
(4) The Breastfeeding Coalition of Oregon has a great co-parenting handout
about custody and breastfeeding.
http://www.breastfeedingor.org/wp-content/uploads/2012/10/BCOCoParentingPlan.pdf
--
Liz Brooks, JD, IBCLC, FILCA
Wyndmoor, PA, USA
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