Hi Pat,
Yes, I have been there.  We can't own mothers' decisions, as much as our
hearts scream out that they would have bf if we had been better LC's.
And 600 is a great batting average.
        I had a mom a few weeks ago who weaned so she could go out and
get her nails done whenever she wants to.  She had the baby's frenulum
clipped anyway, to avoid malocclusions and speech difficulties, but could
not tolerate the change in her self-image that making her baby the
priority would entail.  She told me at length that she sees mothers
pushing their babies in carriages, and the mothers are "a mess" and "have
let themselves go".  She really needs to dress up, primp, and put on
makeup to feel like a worthwhile human being.  When she was home
breastfeeding her baby (yes, she conquered the breast refusal before she
quit), she could not tolerate her feelings about herself.  This mom was
so distraught that I was considering calling her doctor and alerting him
to a potential case of PPD.  As soon as she decided to quit bf and
started spending time on her appearance again, she snapped out of all the
craziness.   Was this really about breastfeeding?  Of course not, it was
really about her inability to make a transition to valuing herself for
nurturing her infant from being an executive (and looking like one).  And
the loser is the baby.
        In other situations, the mom quit because she had too many other
children to work on a difficult suck problem; another had a controlling
husband and could not tolerate the conflict that her being in control of
the infant's food created;  many because they could not tolerate not
knowing how many ounces were getting into the baby.  Another recent mom
quit after half a day, she is one who always has "trouble giving birth"
and she needed to have "trouble breastfeeding" as well.  (Her baby is on
a hydrolysate formula already, but she would not consider relactating.)
It takes people months or years to work out these issues with
professional counseling, why should we be able to change a person's
psyche in a few visits and phone calls?  Being supportive of each
mother's choices, and non-judgemental, helps empower these moms to look
at their lives and choose to do something, or not.
        What I am saying is that there is always more to someone's life
than meets the eye.  Breastfeeding decisions are rarely about just
breastfeeding, but about a woman's empowerment, self-concept, resources,
and ability to tolerate uncertainty and intimacy.  When someone quits
because it is not working, we can kindof understand, and feel very
incompetant because we did not have the magic answer.  When someone quits
for purely internal reasons, it can be even harder on us, because we see
that in a perfect world, women would have the resources and partnership
that they need to give their babies their best.
        Cyberhugs to you, Pat.
--
Catherine Watson Genna, IBCLC  NYC  [log in to unmask]