----- Original Message -----
From: "Linda Hill" <[log in to unmask]>
To: <[log in to unmask]>
Sent: Friday, July 25, 2008 6:09 AM
Subject: [LACTNET] Baby who wont take a bottle

**Hello Linda,

> How dare I call a baby stubborn!  ;-)  But I didnt!  I called her behavior
> stubborn.  Stubborn means resistance to change.  I clearly didnt say: the
> stubborn baby.  I said she was being stubborn.  She was resistance to
> change.  Resistant to taking a bottle.  Good for her!  Sad for her parents
> situation.

**That, indeed, is a big difference: labelling a person or labelling
behaviour.
Not everyone is so aware of this as you are and parents in the early pp
period may not be able to discern between the two. Therefore I think we all
do well by making it a habit to use positive terms concerning babies ánd
their behaviour to prevent misunderstandings, even if the comment was well
meant. ;-)

> We should also take into account that not everybody is as proficient in
> stating clearly what they mean to say, and instead of blatantly rebuking
> what you heard them say, consider writing to them directly and asking that
> they clarify what they meant.  I also think it is absolutely fine for us
> to
> agree to disagree.........but it needs to be done in all kindness.  (I do
> not feel like I was rebuked with this bottle topic, this is just a blanket
> statement coming from the time spent on lactnet)

**On the one hand, I agree. Noone will feel very happy if someone else
sharply disagrees or even condemns... :-s On the other hand... once you take
a conversation that was originally public, into the private area, there is
no way back. Especially with controversial or important issues, we can all
learn a lot from seeing how others disagree or explain a totally different
way of dealing with certain issues. Added to that... the fact that you speak
with not only one person, but with 3500, can also be a means of realizing
that ranting and raging at a particular person is not gonna do you a lot of
good... Being read by many puts extra emphasis on your own responsibility
concerning the impact your words might have, just as giving a lecture before
a whole group is not the same as having a conversation with one person and
stepping into sideway now and then. Speaking with many at once, makes it a
lot more difficult to correct what you said or to further clear up what you
meant. That means that you have to know in advance what you're gonna say.
You have to be sure that you know what you're talking about and that you
thought it through carefully. Nice competency for an lc, right...?! hahaha
Another point: if someone decided to bring her own opinion into the
worldwide forum of Lactnet, you can also expect others to disagree. What do
the English say...? If you can't stand the heat, stay out of the kitchen.
Sure, we don't need to and shouldn't humiliate one another; that goes
without saying. But in order to learn to stand up for what you think is
right and to learn to clearly articulate, this can be a very good podium, in
my opinion. We can have all the knowledge in the world, but if we are unable
to hand that over to others by stating it in the right way, regardless
whether it concerns co-HCP's or parents, we will not be successful at what
we do. As unimportant as some may say it is... I think it is *extremely*
important to not only work on lactational, but also on communicative skills,
in every sense of the word. I think Lactnet offers great opportunities for
that as well! :o) (And I hope to learn... Yesterday a collegue said she
spoke to someone (HCP) who wanted nothing to do with me, but I don't know a
single one of those people! She'll try and find out what made them say
that... stuff to consider for me later on... ;o))

> I am amazed at how well those in the countries outside of the US speak and
> type english.

**Thank you! hahaha

> Lactnet has been my source of
> binoculars to places outside of little ol' Texas and I am very
> appreciative
> to the list mothers who have maintained this site for us all to enjoy.

**I fully agree!

Kindly,

Marianne Vanderveen, Netherlands

             ***********************************************

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