Bravo Kathy!
This is my pet peeve subject...right after birthing behaviors and feeding
choices. I just want to scream everytime someone comes up with a new magic
program or medication to "make you want sex" more often as if the desire for
frequent sex somehow was the norm. I wish I had a dollar for every time a
mom worried that it was somehow sexually inadaquate of her to not want to
please her hubby nightly, etc. I could pay off my house!! It is the common
discussion among women friends, it is the common topic of talk shows, it is a
common agenda among those who want to keep men happy....find a way to give
them more sex. Jeez! Let them carry around an extra 50 pounds, push a
watermelon out and then be permantly attached to a suckling at your breast
and little things on your ankles and then roll over all perky and ready to go
when you finally are allowed to stop for five minutes!!!!!! I say, stop
telling us we should have MORE SEX and let us all decide for ourselves what
is right, and maybe you could just focus on making the little bit we can find
time for be GREAT SEX. Haha. Ever notice that most of the experts for
"normal sex" are men?
I really get irritated when moms are expected to wean so "he can have me
to himself again". I work very hard at controlling my frustration level with
the attitude that the need for sex somehow outweighs the need for a child to
be fed. But, hey, it seems to be a real attitude here in the USA. If you
weren't nursing, you would have more time, therefore more sex. If you
weren't nursing your hormones would be "normal" therefore more sex.
When the issue comes up, we have to go through the whole biology of
birth, breastfeeding, sex, etc. What I end up telling women is 1. you are
normal, or at the very least, not alone 2. you can always say no thanks 3.
if you don't want to say no thanks, you can fake it. I mean, if you really
want to make your partner happy, if you really don't mind and you just want
to be sure it's okay that you aren't interested, than know you are normal to
be willing (even prefer) to do without, but you love him enough to meet his
needs. How often are we dog tired and a child needs us so we go? Is your
partner the kind of person who takes care of you when you are wiped out? (I
get coffee in bed every morning for 17 years now and soup made for me when I
am sick or wiped out). Sex is a part of life in this culture and I don't see
us reconditioning all the men anytime soon. I find that many women really
don't mind doing it, they just want to know it is normal if they would rather
not. I often joke that it use to be called "wifely duties" for a
reason...just another job at the end of the endless list of jobs for a wife
and mother.
Take care, have a great holiday,
Pam MazzellaDiBosco LLL Leader, IBCLC, Fl, USA
PS Wonder who made the rules for no sex for whatever period of time? Bet it
was the women who were so tired they all got together over tea and said, hey,
lets agree as a whole..............fill in the culture's time frame beliefs.
Wow, maybe we could all get together for tea and say "It is time to have sex
again when I can get all the kids to bed by 8, dishes washed, laundry done,
and house clean. There are no papers left to read, no work left to do, and I
did not have to do it all by myself." Hummmmm.....
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