<She told me that she would like to try nursing her next
baby...............and here I had thought we had really *tried*. Go
figure!>
This use of the word "try" when applied to BFing is one of the most
pervasive and among the thorniest language issues I encounter around BFing.
When someone says they "would like to try" or they're "thinking about
trying" to BF, it does have a less than whole-hearted sound to us BF
"zealots". My impression has been that to BF promoters it sounds timid,
uncommitted, tentative, maybe even wishy-washy; I've certainly noticed it
being used in almost a scornful manner, as when one nurse passes on to
another the information that, for example, "the woman in rm. 312 says she
wants to try to BF, but she...". The message that comes across is that she
isn't really "serious" about it. It certainly gives a different impression
than saying "I'm going to nurse my baby for at least the first 12 months".
I've learned over the years to just take women at their word when they tell
me they're "thinking about trying" or they "want to try". I accept that they
mean exactly what they say - they aren't sure that they will succeed
(whatever that means - another word that changes its definition with every
listener or speaker), or they don't know if BFing will work out for them, or
whatever. But the implication is loud and clear with these moms that they
have heard that "breast is best" - they know they "should" BF, but perhaps
they just have never seen BFing when it's working well for mom & babe, or
perhaps they are surrounded by opposition to the idea and they aren't
necessarily outspoken, self-confident women, or maybe they've "tried" before
and were miserable with the experience, or any number of scenarios. I've had
really strong positive results by simply accepting that this is what they
mean - they would like to try. I have, with quite a bit of conscious effort
on my part, gotten rid of the judgement that so often creeps in when we hear
that phrase.
I don't try to "fix" the tentative attitudes by picking on or "correcting"
the language. At the same time, I do try to be clear in my own language; for
example, in talking to the woman who had worked with the LC to overcome
problems and BF for "only" 3 wks, I would say simply that she nursed her
baby for 3 weeks. If I were working with a mother who'd had a difficult
experience with a previous baby, I'd acknowledge *whatever* amount of BFing
she'd done (even if it was 1 attempt at the breast!), I'd ask her if she had
been satisfied w/previous experience, and I'd try to help her clarify what
she wants to do this time around. (After, of course, sharing information
with her about the AAP's rec.s!!)
Expectant and new mothers will always talk about "trying", because that is
exactly what they mean. I think that we as the BF professionals need to
expunge the underlying idea that this is a weak way of thinking of BFing,
and instead use the tentative sound of the words these women use as a guide
to the fact that they need unconditional support for their "attempts". It's
not the same as saying that, for example, "3 wks is enough" or "great,
that's all you need to do!", but I've found that this shift does make a
difference in how effective we are as BF supporters.
Cathy Bargar, RN, IBCLC Ithaca NY
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