I think, in 95% of the cases where the topic of guilt for not breastfeeding
is brought up, it is brought up by someone other than a breastfeeding
advocate. Whoever DOES bring it up has to be thinking about it, and why
would they bring it up, unless they were feeling guilty? Why else would
they assume that anyone who says anything about breastfeeding is doing so to
make mothers who don't breastfeed feel guilty?
The same things happen with other issues. For example, one night, my black
adopted son, Thomas, and two of his friends, were walking around town and
decided to pick up a campaign sign they saw in someone's yard and carry it
around. Some policemen saw them and decided to go after them. When they
got to them, one of them shoved Thomas down on the ground, on his face, got
on top of him, with knee in the middle of his back, and cuffed his hands
behind his back. Thomas was 11 years old, at the time, and about 4'8". His
friends were both white and hispanic, but looked more white. One was Thomas'
age, but about 5' 1", and the other one was 13, and 5' 8". The two bigger
boys were not touched, just told to stay where they were. When I arrived to
pick up Thomas, before I even knew any details of what happened, the officer
who had been so aggressive with Thomas came up and assured me that what he
did had nothing to do with race. No one else had brought up the topic of
race. I did not even know, at the time, that Thomas had been treated that
way, or that the other two boys were treated differently. The fact that
this guy brought it up was what clued me in that his choice to shove only
the smallest of the three boys on the ground and cuff him WAS because Thomas
was black! Otherwise, he would have had no reason for even thinking about
it, let alone becoming defensive about it.
I think it is exactly the same with most people who bring up the topic of
guilt in mothers who don't breastfeed. There mey be a few nursing mothers
who might intentionally say something that could make a bottlefeeding mother
feel guilty, but nothing remotely resembling what one would think, based on
the number of accusations that are made! Those who try to prevent the
benefits of breastfeeding from being publicized are the ones who really have
something to feel guilty about. Perhaps some mothers would choose not to
breastfeed, even if they had a full understanding of what the advantages
are, but I am sure there are many, especially who have had children die of
infuenza, complications of diabetes (my son had a friend who died of
diabetic complications at barely 13 years old), who wish that information
had been given to them.
I kind of hope that, some day, someone whose child has died, or been
seriously damaged, from something that breastfeeding would have been likely
to prevent, will sue some of those who gave them false information, and/or
failed to provide them with adequate information that would have enabled
them to make an educated decision. In recent years, there have been several
lawsuits by parents who made the decision to have their babies circumcised,
based on the information their physicians had given them, who later learned
important facts that they were not told, which made them regret their
decision. (I just offer this as an example, not to start a discussion of
circumcision.) These have charged that the parents' were deprived of the
opportunity to make an informed decision on behalf of their child. I wonder
if maybe someone has already tried to file such a law suit. Does anyone
know of any?
Aloha,
Darillyn
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