On July 11th, Debbie wrote in regards to Disneyland, "I gather that discreet
moms don't have much
trouble, but those who are less than discreet could easily be told to go to
the Baby Station . . . In the past, I have had two mothers report
difficulties in Disney Stores, although I might add that one of them decided
to sit right in front of a cashier's desk (I usually say that discretion is
an issue)."

Although I don't wish to be confrontational, I am bothered by this and would
like to address it.  What is wrong with sitting in front of the cashier's
desk to nurse?  To whom is it that you are saying that "discretion is an
issue"?  Who is it an issue for?  I don't mean to be coy; it's just that I'm
really not sure what you are trying to say.  It's OK to nurse at Disneyland,
but it's not OK or not prudent to do it in front of the cashiers?  Why would
that be any different from anywhere else?  And if you are "less than
discreet", you shouldn't be surprised if someone tells you to go to the Baby
Station?

I think by adopting the language of discretion - eg. assuring people that we
are discreet when we nurse in public, reassuring others that most nursing
moms are discreet, anyway, subtly (or perhaps not so subtly) warning new
moms that they need to be "discreet" if they don't want to have problems
nursing in public, or even teaching moms how they may go about nursing
"discreetly" - we are reinforcing the notion that it's OK to nurse in
public, but only as long as certain codes of conduct or rules are followed.
The message seems to be, go ahead and nurse, but be sure that you are
"discreet" and expect trouble if you aren't.

What constitutes being "discreet" anyway?  What about the mom with a fussy
new baby who doesn't always latch on right away, the "moving target" kind of
baby?  Is mom failing to be discreet if she doesn't get the baby latched on
quick enough for others' liking?  What about the mom who doesn't quite get
the clothes and the baby all arranged just so right away?  What about the
situation with an older baby keen to look around and see what's going on,
who will repeatedly come off the breast to check things out, then go back to
her "snack"?  And the baby or toddler who hates to be covered with a blanket
or likes to lift mom's top?  What about the baby who wants to nurse while
mom's in the swimming pool?  And
what if, horrors, the mom believes that breasts are for breastfeeding and
nothing to be ashamed of, and doesn't even try to cover up while nursing?
All of these women, from the inexperienced, flustered new mom struggling to
latch and cover up at the same time, to the proud experienced mom who
carries on, taking no notice of others, could be accused of not being
"discreet".  I think this is a word that others use to keep us in line and
which we must avoid using if we want to empower women to breastfeed.

Last year I was asked not to nurse my one and a half year old son in one of
our city swimming pools, a request I took great exception to.  I will talk
more about that in my third post, but for now I will say that after this
incident I did a lot of research and found out that incidents where women
have been asked not to breastfeed in public, or have been asked to
breastfeed more "discreetly", are more common than I had thought.  I also
found quite a number of studies of women's attitudes towards and experiences
with breastfeeding; many of them indicate that breastfeeding in front of
others, even within the home, is a significant issue for many women.

For example, a 1995 Health Canada study found that most mothers who
discontinued breastfeeding before 4 months "remained housebound or
restricted in their
movement while breastfeeding" to avoid the social stigma associated with
nursing in public.  A 1991 Chicago study found that 55% of women who had
chosen to bottle-feed gave reasons for not breastfeeding such as
embarrassment and not feeling comfortable with breastfeeding.  In one study,
fathers taking childbirth classes in five private hospitals in Houston were
surveyed on their attitudes towards breastfeeding.  Seventy-one percent of
the men whose spouses were planning to exclusively breastfeed and 78% of the
men whose spouses were planning to exclusively formula-feed indicated that
breastfeeding was "not acceptable in public".  Still other studies show that
the attitude of the mother's partner is an important part of her feeding
decision.  This is only some of the
research in this area.  There are numerous "breastfeeding shaming" cases to
be found on the internet, including on LACTNET, as well.

Our choice of language *is* important.  Just as I think we need to talk in
terms of the normalcy of breastfeeding and the inferiority of its artificial
substitute wherever we can, I think we also need to watch our language when
speaking with others about breastfeeding in public.  In particular, we might
want to rethink our well-meaning advice to new mothers who ask about "how to
breastfeed discreetly in public".  Although we will probably give tips when
asked such as "feed baby before he/she is frantic" and so on, we can also
gently introduce the idea that an onlooker's discomfort with breastfeeding
is really their own problem.  We can also say that unless people are around
nursing moms in their daily lives, they don't tend to notice moms
breastfeeding, which I believe is true.  It's just not on the radar of the
average person, for the most part.  And we can avoid using the "D" word.

Although there are jurisdictions where breastfeeding in public might
technically be considered illegal, I don't know of any cases where women
breastfeeding have been convicted let alone even charged with indecent
exposure or public nudity.  Does anyone know differently?  On the contrary,
interfering with a woman breastfeeding may itself be illegal.  Even in
jurisdictions which haven't enacted laws specifically protecting a
woman's right to breastfeed in public, their human rights statutes
invariably include sex as a prohibited form of discrimination.  There is
Canadian case law (courts, employment tribunals, human rights tribunals,
etc.) - and I'm willing to bet U.S. as well - saying that discrimination on
the basis of pregnancy and/or breastfeeding constitutes sex discrimination.
My point here is that women breastfeeding need not fear the law; indeed, it
is their harassers who should.  Informing women of their civil rights in
this regard shouldn't be necessary, but it is.  One of the women in our
breastfeeding advocacy group thought it was illegal to breastfeed at a
public swimming pool (more on that later).  She was relieved, obviously, to
find out that this is not so.  Good for her that she breastfed anyway, but
not so good for others who are too intimidated to do so.

I look forward to the day when women are able to freely
remove their tops wherever and whenever men are free to do so.  I say this
not because I have a burning desire to bare my breasts in public.  As a
small-breasted woman who has internalized (North American) society's norms
valuing large breasts and devaluing small ones, I have no desire to reveal
my breasts to
others, and as a citizen of a rather northerly cold climate there are only a
few weeks a year where it might be possible to go topfree even if I did want
to!  Nevertheless I look forward to that day because I think it will
represent
another step away from repressive attitudes towards women's bodies,
especially our breasts.  If
fully naked breasts in all their shapes and sizes became something you could
see anywhere anytime, as the breast became de-eroticized (except perhaps in
private between mutually inclined and consenting adults), breastfeeding in
public would cease to be an issue and no longer would anyone have to say
that "discretion is an issue".  For this reason, I applaud "topfree
activists", although I do not have the courage to join them.  For example,
see http://www.tera.ca/.  A 1992 New York state court decision quoted on
that site says, in part:

"[Defendants] contend that to the extent that many in our society may regard
the uncovered female breast with a prurient interest that is not similarly
aroused by the male equivalent ., that perception cannot serve as a
justification for differential treatment because it is itself a suspect
cultural artifact rooted in centuries of prejudice and bias toward women."

Hear, hear, Judge Titone!  See also "Breastfeeding Frenzy"
http://www.tera.ca/articles.html#Breastfeeding and "My Breasts Reclaimed",
another breastfeeding-in-public story
http://www.tera.ca/articles.html#Reclaimed on the same site.

Next: Words of Wisdom from LACTNETTERS

Barb Strange

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