- - - - - - - - - -
"So... some people are uncomfortable with breastfeeding in public, and 
they're not all in Texas, and it doesn't necessarily mean they are 
uncomfortable with breastfeeding *period*. Let's figure out how we can all 
work together so that everyone sees mothering as valuable.

Jo-Anne "
- - - - - - - - -

I'm all for women nursing where and when they feel comfortable.  Even 
'though I had been a nude artist model before I had my baby, I was shocked 
by how vulnerable I felt about nursing in public.  I felt exposed and at 
risk.  It took some time for that to go as my confidence grow.  And then, of 
course, I had to watch the uncomfortable exposed feeling grow again, as my 
cute newborn became an active toddler.

However, that didn't mean I had the right to consider other women nursing in 
public as either offensive, or felt I had to right to dictate what they did 
or not do with their babies.

I guess I'm trying hard to understand your post, Jo-Anne, for as I do agree 
that all women have a right to nurse how they wish, I don't agree in the 
inference that this means they can also dictate how others nurse.  If 
another mother has a problem with me breastfeeding in front of her in a 
common area - she has the right to move.  She does not have the right to 
make me move.  Apologies if that's not what you meant - it does read that 
way. I personally will not move to make her more comfortable, as I'd be 
reinforcing that it is inappropriate for me to nurse my child.   I'll engage 
in discourse, and swapping opinions etc, but I won't be made to feel that 
I'm doing anything offensive.

Signalling clearly here I'm off on a personal rant now: which is why I 
changed the header...

This strikes to the very heart of the issues, and the problems we face.  
Nursing in public - in whatever way the mother wishes to do so - is not open 
for discussion in my book.  Just like individual mother's rights to only do 
what they are comfortable with is absolutely fine.   No women who is nursing 
in public should ever be seen as doing anything wrong.   And they certainly 
shouldn't be made to feel that they are bringing problems down on themselves 
by either failing to be discrete, or by alienating those mothers who are 
'discrete'.

However, what should be said, is once again, how we use the word 'discrete' 
and thus give everyone a big stick to beat us with.  As soon as we say "I 
was nursing discretely" we set up the notion that it is an inappropriate 
thing to do - hence why we need to do it covertly, or with special care not 
to offend.  We also immediately condemn those mothers who are not 
'discrete': we accept they exist and we deny we are part of _that_ problem.  
  Who are these indiscrete mothers, that we constantly have to point out 
that we aren't one of them?  Where are these mothers, nursing their children 
with both breasts exposed, as they squirt passers by in the eyes as they 
flaunt their indiscrete bodies?   I've never ever seen a baby nursed 
indiscretely!

We give this huge stick to others, and then they use it to complain that "I 
don't mind about women breastfeeding in public, as long as they do it 
discretely" and then lo and behold, the discourse is no longer about 
breastfeeding, and is about 'discreteness'.  Breastfeeding as a subject for 
serious discussion in our society once more swept aside so we can all argue 
about how much of a women's body is or isn't discrete in any public 
situation.

And finally, of course, when we use the word 'discrete' we condemn mothers 
of toddlers to either weaning, or never nursing in public.  For no active 
toddler can be held in nice contained 'discrete' bundles.  Many many mothers 
wean when babies get their head controls all sorted out, as they can no 
longer be 'discrete'.  Even though no one has ever actually managed to 
define what 'discrete' means.  The orignal one sized fits all word.

It's time this discourse was Wiessingerised.  It's time we started to 
discuss mothers nursing in public in terms of personal comfort zones.  In 
terms of them feeling safe and secure, not whether or not they felt they 
were being 'discrete'.  For that's what most women mean when they start with 
"I was nursing discretely when... "  What they usually mean is "I looked at 
where I was, who was there, I settled myself out of the way and felt safe 
that no-one could criticize me... and still I got a nasty comment."    It's 
a defence word; held up as a shield so that others don't condem: "Don't 
shout at me, I was doing it really really covertly. I was really trying not 
to offend."

It is a word of apology.

No mother has to nurse in public - it's entirely about how safe and secure 
she feels in her own body, and her own relationship with her child.  No 
mother should ever feel she's letting the side down if she doesn't nurse in 
public: it's her body and her sense of self that chooses.  It's her sense of 
overall safety and comfort.  If she wants to experiment with ways that make 
her feel safer, more secure, less vulnerable, then it's wonderful that we 
have a lot of excellent resources to give her.   But let us remove the word 
'discrete' from those resources.

Those of us who are out there, not only nursing babies but toddlers, just 
like the women in the RHM house, are on the front lines in the war to get 
human milk into human children.  We're the ones carrying the colours into 
enemy territory, and refusing to be bowed, no matter how hard and painful 
and exposing and threatening it is to do sometimes.  (Because sometimes, 
those darned pesky toddlers need nursing no matter how much you feel exposed 
in doing so.)  We are the ones who are normalising nursing.  Everytime we do 
manage to nurse in public - especially with those pesky toddlers - we make 
it easier for the next mother along behind us.  Should she choose to follow.

Nursing mothers are a broad cloth.  We need to hold both ends in the debate 
equally.  Nursing mothers who chose not to nurse unless they are in a super 
safe and contained space deserve support and resources and a space to 
discuss their opinions.  They cannot, however, deem themselves more 
superior, or more 'accomodating', or more 'sensitive' than those who have 
different boundaries.  And no nursing mother needs to feel bad for not 
accomodating another's 'comfort level'.  To end on a really good icon in use 
in several places at the moment - "If the sight of me nursing my baby 
offends you - please feel free to put a blanket over your head."

Morgan Gallagher
Online Lactaneer
Nursing 26 month old -  in public, with pride, if some trepidation.

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