Maybe yes, maybe no. Anyway, let's look at it from the baby's view, and
see if perhaps we can read her mind, at least a little.
A very short while ago, this baby was feeling as if she was in the Garden
of Eden. Floating like an astronaut, no sense of gravity, therefore,
never experiencing the fear of falling. Mom was always there, breathing
and swaying as she walked, always just a fingertip away.
No bright lights. No loud noises. But never any silence. Just rhythmic,
reassuring regularity of heartbeats and digestive sounds, and muffled,
lyrical voice of mom. Never hot, never cold. Always just right.
No hunger, ever. No strong need to swallow, except maybe a gentle one,
for thirst. Maybe sucking a thumb once in a while, just for the fun of
it.
No need to breathe. No need to work. No need to coordinate suck, swallow,
breathe. Never before knew any sensation of choking or lack of oxygen.
Idyllic, eh?
And then, compare that with "getting kicked out of the Garden of Eden."
It's been a tough 6 weeks trying to get used to it. She doesn't mind
working hard for her "bread and butter" because she REALLY gets hungry
and thirsty, but she knows there's SOMETHING SHE CAN DO ABOUT IT!
But she keeps having this RECURRING NIGHTMARE. The harder she tries to
work like she's supposed to and do her part, the more her experience
reinforces her premonition that something AWFUL is going to happen.
Fear raises its ugly head, even as she first starts to chow down.
Catecholemines pour into her blood stream, making pulse race, her blood
pressure go up, and all her other fight or flight defenses react at peak
level, knowing that inevitable feeling is about to happen and helpless to
prevent it. There it goes! Oh, dear, oh dear, oh dear! She tries to back
away to escape it, and her uncoordinated recoil makes her feel like she
is falling!
<Her mother takes her off and tries to soothe her as soon as she seems to
start this choking but it doesn't seem to help at all until after she has
caught her breath and cried; then she is breathing again normally and it
is
just a matter of soothing her in an ordinary way.>
PTSD at the preverbal stage?! Maybe she has to work through it mentally
in her attempt to survive?Who knows?
Who cares if it's oversupply? Whatever this monster's name, she knows
it's going to start all over again trying to suffocate her, and she's
AFRAID AND ANGRY! IT'S NOT FAIR! SHE'S BEING A GOOD GIRL, AND THIS IS
WHAT SHE GETS!
So let's start by agreeing with this little lady that breathing is truly
more important than eating, if one must make an exclusive choice. Let's
stop the assault on her pharynx, her gag reflex, and her epiglottis.
Let's trigger the MER by hand 2-3 minutes before we let her near the
breast. Then, let's put her UPHILL from the tide, so it's as if she is
drinking from a drinking fountain, trickling gently upward against
gravity.
Her nasopharynx will be above the flood, so her breath can travel
unimpeded where it will, rather than UNDER NIAGRA FALLS where the torrent
thunders to the back of the throat flooding all nooks and crannies in
between, leaving her helpless to do anything but try to protect her
trachea from aspiration, wonderful as this physiological stuff must be!
Well! Whaddaya know! Miracle of miracles! She was all steeled for it to
happen, and guess what! It didn't! Oh what joy! Now, at least this once,
she can breathe easy and let her pulse slow down, relax her neck and her
shoulders and unclench her fingers, put away her fears, and swallow to
her heart's content, and let mommy worry about supply issues!
It's almost like being in the Garden of Eden again!
Oh, Mommy! I LOVE YOU!
Jean
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