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From:
Morgan Gallagher <[log in to unmask]>
Reply To:
Lactation Information and Discussion <[log in to unmask]>
Date:
Thu, 19 Feb 2009 17:45:49 +0000
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I thought I should add my two cents worth into this thread, from two 
slightly different directions, since I'm so keen to keep it on course as 
inclusive. :-)

One, that there is a cultural element to this, that is often 
overlooked.  What we see as baby-centred and attachment parenting, and 
something to be accommodated for those who practise it, others see as 
normal parenting and live in a world where only that model exists.  
Cultures do still exist that operate on the principle that where mother 
goes, babies and children go to, and to even consider separating them, 
would be seen as something extremely hostile.  Therefore I've attended 
'posh' celebrity interviews, such as the one I went to for Shah Rukh 
Khan, a Bollywood superstar, during the Edinburgh festival, where a 
third of the paying audience was babies and children.  Childless myself 
at the time, I railed at "these people" (mothers) for bringing babies to 
such an event.  In retrospect, no one else batted an eye, and it was 
only the loudly screaming baby who was not being comforted, or moved 
out, that was actually an issue: again, it was the parent not the baby 
that was causing the problem. No doubt Bollywood superstars are well 
used to babies and children in everything they do in India - Shah Rukh 
Khan eventually stopped the interview and asked the distressed baby be 
comforted - I'd not recognised how masterful an intervention it was, 
until just now!

In similar vein, I've sat through two West End Theatre performances, 
with both my own toddler, and other babies and toddlers in the room.  
The actors on stage accommodated what little noise there was, and acted 
around it: no parent committed the 'ignore real distress' sin.  In that 
case, all the mothers in the room apart from me, were African 
immigrants: they'd have no more put their baby in a side room with a 
stranger than cut their own hands off.  As the play was about their 
refugee experiences, and raising money for them, no one batted an eye 
that the audience contained whole families. 

Organisations I'm aware of the UK, are often targeting mothers in these 
groups, for inclusion in breastfeeding issues and policies.  And yet 
they don't provide appropriate facilities at conferences.  One in 
particular I'm thinking of, with a huge Indian sub-continent origin 
mothers in its target population, who ban children over 12 weeks in the 
conference hall, and think they have made provision by putting a crèche 
into the plans for everyone else.  Little realising that no mother from 
that target group, will put their precious child in a crèche they can't 
directly observe, with strangers they don't know.  So the chances of 
getting them to attend, are simply zero: it's hostile to their parenting 
culture. (I say not realising, I've been told that it has been broached, 
and the answer was it's "not professional" to have babies and children 
in the room with the grown ups.  The midwives and HVs complain that they 
spend their lives dealing with children, and want rid of them for a few 
hours to concentrate in peace.  I can believe it, unfortunately.)

So 'provision' for inclusion of babies and children, has to be quite 
flexible and open-ended, else it doesn't work at all.  Yes, it is 
difficult, yes it is a huge balancing act - but being flexible to keep 
child and mother _together_ should be the gold standard.  Siphoning the 
children away from the mother mimics the entire "formula frees you up to 
leave them behind whilst you get on" dynamic we are trying to break 
down.  And _insisting_ the mother go to the side room with the syphoned 
off sound, is almost as bad.  Yes it's riskier to start with everyone in 
one place, with a range of strategies to engage with, but really, 
anything less isn't truly INclusive.  If you start from the basis that 
if exclude the child from the talks, you exclude the mother.. you won't 
go far wrong.

Now, as a teacher, I usually plan my talks for the babies and children 
in the audience as well.  I bring resources for them too, and I keep 
tricks up my sleeve for if the group has got restless.  So, for 
instance, I take black sugar paper sheets, and coloured chalk, and I lay 
them out when I set up.  One thing I use ALL THE TIME, in every 
situation, is a long roll of white drawing paper.  I roll it out until 
it's the entire room length, or on the grass at outside events, and 
place crayons on it every few feet.  Every older child in the room is 
drawn to it like a magnet, and a collective drawing activity takes place 
with no squabbles over room or materials.  Chalk is your friend here - 
for chalk rubs off everything and is snapped in two, and then three if 
you do run out!  And it's cheap.  And non-toxic.  :-)

I also keep a basket of things to use Just In Case.  Silent toys that 
can be handed to the explorer, soft plastic balls that can be rolled 
away from me to be followed by the crawler.  Basically, a little toy 
tool box of things to keep the bored but mobile infant happy.  Attention 
span isn't that good until about 3.  I _know_ some of the toddlers will 
get bored with the chalk and paper, so I plan to have little things I 
can dole out slowly to maintain their attention.  The focus of every 
adult in the room is on me... it's no surprise the children start to 
focus in on me too!  So I try and have things to distract them with, 
when they get as far as me.

So if you are giving talks, or in charge of a whole day of activities - 
think about it as a planning exercise for the little ones as well.  When 
and what to bring out in sequence, that will keep them happy when they 
are bored with what's been in front of them for 2 hours.  Rather than 
one large basket of stuff, split it into smaller baskets, and take one 
away and a new one out, when the speaker changes. Ignore what's in 
hands, just collect up everything not being used, and put it to one side 
and bring new ones out.  Rinse, repeat.  Little things like that, can 
make a huge difference - as can taking away drawn on paper and 
refreshing it with blank pages.  Also, think about roving babies in your 
room set up - far too often conferences are laid out like school 
assemblies - with row upon row of seats and small thin aisles.  If you 
know you have lots of babies and mothers - leave a section chair free, 
and lay down blankets, gym mats, cushions, bean bags - whatever your 
venue might have available.  And make that section up front, next to the 
speaker.  Far more people will see the speaker with the Mums and babies 
on the floor in front, and I bet the proximity to the speaker, will keep 
the noise level down lower than if the children are squeezed to the back 
and to the sides.  Rigid seated rows are also intimidating for a good 
proportion of the adult audience, and flexibility in seating will mean a 
greater uptake of info for everyone.

Gosh, that was a lot!  :-)  My bugbear is the parent who brings The 
Noisy Toy.  I was once asked during a main speaker talk, to take the 
batteries out of a softly ringing toy train with a bell.  Except the toy 
wasn't mine, and I had no clue who it belonged too.  That my little boy 
had found it in the floor, when I had only brought silent toys and that 
I'd switched it 'off' three times and the 'on' switch had been found 
three times, was as much as I could do.  I kept explaining to the woman 
IT WASN'T OUR TOY but I'm sure she felt I was being unreasonable by not 
snatching it from the silent arms of my perfectly quiet little boy, in 
order to silence the bell.  And I wasn't missing the talk by causing 
blue murder by taking the toy away and then having to exit due to the 
(understandable) screams.  :-) 

Morgan Gallagher 

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