>
> Joanne Elder and others ventured quite eloquently, I thought, into an exploration of what sort of empathy should=
> /could be felt for those who find proximity to the act of breastfeeding upsetting
Thanks, Kerry, but I'm afraid I was far from eloquent, since many people
thought I was calling for empathy for the discomfort of the "watchers"
when I was talking about empathy for the discomfort of some
breastfeeding mothers. My post was in response to statements that people
from outside of the US were generally more comfortable with the idea of
breastfeeding in public than Americans, and my experience with a group
of mothers (Muslims and Christian Blacks from Africa) wasn't consistent
with that perception. It also seemed to suggest that in Texas, people
are intolerant, and people from other cultures are
breastfeeding-friendly. Maybe true, maybe not, but "other cultures" is a
pretty broad group. Anyway, I think I worked it all out with Morgan. :-)
I do, however, think there is value in showing empathy to all people,
regardless of how wrong they are. When I said we all have to work
together towards a culture that values mothering, I meant both working
to change attitudes that get in the way of breastfeeding (including the
sexualization of girls and women) and working with different opinions.
And I do feel that sometimes we get locked into a view that there is
only one way to promote, support or protect breastfeeding. Maybe because
whenever people have said there's one way to do anything, it inevitably
didn't work for me.
This works in nicely to a thank you for Frank Nice's post, which
confirms Jack Newman's recent statements that it is unfair to promote
breastfeeding without providing proper support. It is so hard for us to
hear mothers say that breastfeeding hurts. But you know, thrush does,
and so does the clamping of a suctioned baby, and so do some of those
voracious nursers who are trying to channel a strong flow, and, in fact,
most babies who don't get off to a great start. I was talking to health
care professionals about breastfeeding, and most of them could still
remember the sensation of breastfeeding the first time even though it
was several years ago, and many of them felt the sensation wasn't
pleasant. Of course this is not the way it is supposed to be. I'm sure
if they had been comfortable with their breasts and bodies, had handled
them, had had seen women breastfeed their perceptions would have been
different. But in the absence of this healthy experience, it seems to me
that it is better to address these with moms before they breastfeed, and
tell them that it is normal to feel that the sensation is new and
different, and that the feeling changes over the course of breastfeeding
and our comfort level with breastfeeding increases, and that every
mother deserves to have help working through whatever she is feeling.
This is true for women who have been abused or are depressed mothers
even more than mothers whose babies have a bad latch. Neither, in my
opinion, are well served by repeating that "breastfeeding isn't supposed
to hurt, and if it does, you're doing something wrong."
So maybe that's a good comparison with nursing in public. "When you
breastfeed in public, you shouldn't feel uncomfortable, and if you do,
there's something wrong." Is this the best way to address a real
problem? There *is* something wrong. With the world, and that may well
include the people the mother loves best. So how do we help people live
in this climate? Is there a way of doing it so that everybody ends up
healthy and happy?
One child at a time, one mom at a time, or one issue at a time... I
think it's all good.
Jo-Anne
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