Pamela, I have adopted six babies, and worked with many other adoptive
situations, in several capacities.  I am also very protective of the rights
of birth moms.

First of all, I would say that there is really no way to be at all sure if
someone will actually place her baby or not, until it is done.  Nothing
binding can be signed until after the birth, in any state, and in most
states there is a minimum period of time that must pass after the birth.
There is no set of circumstances that can be used to predict who will go
through with an adoption plan and who will not.  We see some of the moms who
seem the most committed to placement before birth, who decide to parent, as
well as some who seem pretty shakey on it before birth, who go ahead and
relinquish.

The idea of the birth mom nursing the baby in the hospital is one that some
people discourage, and others encourage.  Common reasons for discouraging
breastfeeding include avoiding making it more difficult for the birth mother
to get lactation under control after relinquishment, and fear of increasing
the likelihood that she will decide to keep the baby. The reason some people
might encourage the birth mother to breastfeed is to get the baby the
colostrum.

My feeling is that the prospective birth mother needs to be encouraged to
explore her feelings on the issue, and informed that the choice of what to
do during the period before she signs the relinquishment is entirely up to
her.  She should feel no pressure to breastfeed, but should understand that
it is perfectly appropriate and within her rights to breastfeed if she has a
desire to.  Most birth moms do not nurse, but I have known a few who have,
and have felt that the colostrum was one last gift they could give their
babies.  I have even known one who was so committed that she pumped her milk
and shipped it to the adoptive family for months after the birth.

As for the prospects of a potential birth mother changing her mind and
deciding to keep her baby, in most cases I feel that, if breastfeeding would
lead her to decide to parent her baby, perhaps that is what needs to happen.
  All parties involved need to understand that a decision to place a baby
for adoption is something that the birth mother will have to live with every
day, for the rest of her life.  It is very painful for a potential adoptive
mother to find that the baby she has planned on (and maybe even prepared to
breastfeed herself) is not going to be available to her, after all, but the
fact is that none of us is ever comfortable, in the long term, knowing that
there is a birth mother out there who is regretting her decision.  Adoptive
mothers can find another baby to adopt and make their own, but the birth
mother cannot get her own baby back.  I am even speaking as one who has had
several potential adoptions fall through, including one where I actually had
the baby and nursed her for 24 hours before having the birth mother take her
back. I should add, however, that if a birth mother is going to change her
mind and parent her baby, she needs be encouraged to do so in the days
immediately following the birth, and not later, for the sake of everyone
involved.

I wish you the best in counseling this young woman, and also wish her the
best in making such an important decision.

Aloha,
Darillyn





_________________________________________________________________
Add photos to your messages with MSN 8. Get 2 months FREE*.
http://join.msn.com/?page=features/featuredemail

             ***********************************************

To temporarily stop your subscription: set lactnet nomail
To start it again: set lactnet mail (or digest)
To unsubscribe: unsubscribe lactnet
All commands go to [log in to unmask]

The LACTNET mailing list is powered by L-Soft's renowned
LISTSERV(R) list management software together with L-Soft's LSMTP(TM)
mailer for lightning fast mail delivery. For more information, go to:
http://www.lsoft.com/LISTSERV-powered.html