<but could her relationship suffer due to nursing, would an occasional
bottle make her husband a better father>

Melinda, yes, possibly to the first question, NO definately to the
second. I gather from your post that this was more than just a whine
about a husband who won't change a diaper or such.

I sacrificed my first two children to a man who wanted full control of
everyone around him (didn't know that until it was too late). It
resulted in both being weaned to formula, child abuse, he never fed a
bottle and no it did not improve or help our relationship.

A mom in this situation needs to realize that she can't make her husband
into the father she wants, but she can give her child the best start and
have a loving relationship which will help both of them survive and
possibly thrive in this house. Perhaps he is just immature and will come
around (especially when baby smiles at him), but if he is a controler or
an abuser and if baby is a female, than probably he will not change.

I encourage you to help and support her all you can, keep it in context
of the best for baby, the risks of formula use, the health benefits both
she and baby are getting (which is a plus in a stressful situation and
if baby is in daycare), and that formula means work and money being
spent too. Try and help her to see that nursing is not the cause of her
husband's reaction and that stopping probably won't help and just maybe
might make him worse (if he's an abuser, it's another control issue he's
won).

Hang in there and take heart from the fact that she confided in you - I
never did to anyone - that is a big first step and that's the positive
you can get from this call.

Leslie Ward
Vine Grove, KY

             ***********************************************
The LACTNET mailing list is powered by L-Soft's renowned
LISTSERV(R) list management software together with L-Soft's LSMTP(TM)
mailer for lightning fast mail delivery. For more information, go to:
http://www.lsoft.com/LISTSERV-powered.html