Hi all --
Someone here mentioned the show just after it aired. They finally have the
transcript on the Web site. Really ugly stuff, in my opinion ... Read for
yourself -- I've cut and pasted the relevant parts.
Janice Berry
Westerville, OH
***
Bill: But there is a German woman living in America, but she is German, and
she had her child taken away from her. The child is 6 years old. Why?
Because she was still breast-feeding.

Wolfgang: I think it's a big problem.

Bill: You think it's a big problem?

Wolfgang: Yeah, I think somebody --

Holly: 'Cause he's not eating in your restaurant.
[ Laughter ]

Wolfgang: Hey -- I think somebody should get this woman some cooking lessons
and get her a 30-year-old guy as well.

Jimmy: You can make a beautiful cheese out of that.

Wolfgang: I could open a cooking school for this.

Shawnee: You must not be a mom. You're either like -- or you're just like --

Bill: She said this is common in Europe, to breast-feed --

Holly: It is.

Bill: It is? Up till 5 or 6 years --

Holly: And in Japan, too. In Japan, up to 5 and 6 years old.

Jimmy: Really?

Wolfgang: I've heard 4 years at the maximum. I never heard somebody -- what
does he do when he goes to school? You don't need a lunch bag? You tell
her -- [ Laughter ] This is one of your --
[ Laughter ]

Shawnee: You meet your mom at the chain-link fence.
[ Laughter ]

Holly: Did they take the child away from the mother?

Bill: Yes.

Holly: I think that's ludicrous.

Bill: Once again, an overbearing government.

Holly: Yes, once again, to take a child away from its mother, and no less a
nursing child, who I'm sure was even more dependent on the mother. That
would be traumatic. I mean, I'm not for someone nursing their child till 6
years old, that's ludicrous. And, as someone who's nursed my child myself, I
can't imagine doing that with a 6-year-old, how you could even -- or why you
would even do it. But needless to say, though, to have the government come
in and take that child away, what are we coming into? This is ludicrous.
It's ludicrous in this country. It's the mother's right.
Why doesn't a judge say, "Okay, we're gonna assign you counseling. You have
to go to a court-appointed counselor or psychologist"? And get her analyzed
and talk about the situation.

Bill: Because she doesn't think she's doing anything wrong.

Holly: But then analyze her and let her go through a whole process of --

Wolfgang: Get some counseling.

Bill: 6 years old? This kid could pour a glass of milk.

Shawnee: But wait a minute. Wait a minute. The last two days, my 1
1/2-year-old had a cold, and I tried to give her -- she had an ear
infection -- I tried to give her the antibiotic in the spoon.

Jimmy: Yeah?

Shawnee: Like, that was not happening. I can't imagine getting your
6-year-old boy to get on your breast if he's not into it. [ Laughter ]
I can't put her shoes on. You know? That's my main goal in life.

Jimmy: What I'll do is I'll go towards the left and I'll move towards the
right.

Shawnee: Yeah, right. You guys never get off the nipple. Come on.

Bill: Exactly.

Wolfgang: That's why men felt that way.

Jimmy: But she's German, so it's natural.
[ Laughter ]

Wolfgang: Don't say it's Austrian, though.

...
Holly: How does the government determine -- what is their level or their
standpoint of determining what's child abuse and what's not? That concerns
me.

Shawnee: It's not black and white like that.

Jimmy: Black?

Shawnee: Well, you know. I mean, if you go back to, you know, when we all
lived in the bush and the outback, wherever you're from, maybe it was
natural if you didn't have enough food or whatever to breast-feed till
you're 7, 8, 9, 10, but this is America, and we've created a civilization
here.
And as a parent, I think your job is to prepare your kids for that
civilization.

Bill: I think quite the opposite.

Jimmy: Free refills.

Bill: I think in the -- what?

Holly: "Free refills."
[ Laughter ]

Bill: I think in the natural, you would never find the species mammal
breast-feeding their child.

Jimmy: You don't see an animal --

Shawnee: You do, actually. If you go back far enough --

Bill: How do you know?

Jimmy: Monkeys all do it.

Shawnee: Because I have a friend --

Jimmy: Who's a monkey.

Shawnee: Who has an --

Bill: You have a friend who is a cro-magnon man? "I have a friend from
50,000 B.C."

Shawnee: No, she's pretty hot, but she dated this guy whose mom was like a
church person who goes out -- well, to, you know -- you know, whatever
they're called. It's half-hour show. But anyways, it was, like, a little
village, they didn't have any, you know, utensils.

Wolfgang: I grew up in a little village.

Shawnee: They breast-fed. In this tribe, they breast-fed till the kids were
like 6, 7, 8 years old.

Jimmy: They'd shake the women, make butter.
[ Laughter ]

Holly: Well, what is your answer, Bill? I mean, do you think that's good or
bad?

Bill: You have a friend who lives in a neolithic village?

Shawnee: No, she dated a guy who did. But he's a real mama's boy. I wouldn't
suggest dating him when he grows up.
[ Laughter ]

Holly: I wonder why. I mean, there's something unhealthy about it. There is.
And socially, we would -- I think --
[ Talking at the same time ]

Jimmy: Think of the dry cleaning.
It's really, you know, it's --
[ Laughter ]

Shawnee: What do you know about dry cleaning?

Holly: Wait a minute, you guys.
Does this not bother you that the government, though, took a child --

Jimmy: Yeah, it does.

Wolfgang: I think somehow somebody should send the woman to some counseling,
and, hopefully, she will change.

Bill: Wait a second. I'm also for the least the government should do, but
come on -- 6 years old?

Holly: Bill, it's not child abuse. Where are you getting that this is -- I
mean, where would you think that that would determine child abuse?

Bill: At what age -- because, when they cut him off at 14 -- [ Laughter ] --
I think there will be psychological problems. I think there are already
psychological --

Shawnee: But don't you think if the kid doesn't want to breast-feed, he
won't? I mean, does he have bruises on his body from his mom going, "Get on
my boob"?
[ Light laughter ]

Bill: There was a cover story in "Time" magazine a few months ago about how
girls are reaching puberty way earlier. Did you see that? They had the
little bra strap on the cover. That said girls are reaching puberty at 8 or
9.

Holly: Yes, they are.

Bill: Okay, if the kid is still breast-feeding at 6, that's three years
between he goes from mom to dating.

Holly: Okay, then slap her hands and fine her for it or send her to
counseling or do something court-initiated, but don't take the child away
from the mother. I think that's drastic. I think it's wrong.
And if the government's allowed to do that, who else will they decide to do
it for?
[ Applause ]

Why, because you let two children do a certain thing? I mean, what's the
basis of determining it? There are other ways to solve that. Come on.

Jimmy: With that said, though, sign this kid up for the Liza Minnelli
academy right away.

Holly: I missed it.

Jimmy: I figured you would.

Bill: The implication is this kid is gonna be screwed up.

Holly: Okay.

Bill: In a big way.

Shawnee: Like Liza?
[ Applause ]

...
Bill: And my favorite story of the week -- ... Okay.
So I don't want to get back into this thing, but it was the mother who
wanted this breast-feeding to continue. The boy was like, "enough."
[ Light laughter ]

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