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Subject:
From:
Barb Strange <[log in to unmask]>
Reply To:
Lactation Information and Discussion <[log in to unmask]>
Date:
Mon, 31 Mar 2003 20:28:47 -0700
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Dear LACTNET,

In some of our recent discussions, the topic of surrogate mothers nursing
and/or providing breastmilk to the baby and fed by the adoptive mother, has
come up.  I am in contact with a surrogate mother, Cynthia Ganga, who is
approximately 7 and a half months pregnant at this time and she has some
thoughts on this matter that she would like to share with us.  These are
below.  She has requested that she be identified by name.

Barb Strange


From Cynthia:

I have no feelings because those seem to make Dr's and the like in authority
doubt what I'm saying in regards for my wish to breastfeed. I have knowledge
though and know my baby wants to be breast fed by her surrogate mom.

Unfortunately her breast reduction surgeon was to quick in telling her that
even
having the baby use the lactaid at her breast would hurt and cause the scar
tissue to rip and bad things to happen ( funny though because the surgery
was 4
years ago and the scar tissue has healed well, sounded more to me like he
was
scared of what he didn't understand) as he told her ( unfortunately she is
of
the type to take a Dr's word as God and not to question what he says against
her own inner wisdom) she would have to take drugs if she wanted to lactate
and
didnot inform her of the steroids that would therefore be passing into our
child.

The solution as I pointed out was to not stress over her lactating for
our child herself because she has a perfectly capable source of breast milk
in
me and if she is meant to breast feed with her own milk then it will happen.

She was at first a bit worried about the attachment factor that I may feel
when
breastfeeding for the first time ( the colostrum is too thick to pass
through
the lactaid tube) but as I pointed out the baby has been inside of me
growing
and dancing for the past 7.5 months, I'm never going to feel more or less
attached to him, just attached. We agreed that we would hold each other and
the
baby and our midwife would help to teach her to attach the baby to her
breast with the lactaid. She's been exploring her post surgery breasts more
and
making them hers rather then post surgical objects and getting to know your
strength as a women is very important in the breast feeding idea.

My concern is that the strong proponents for family morality and family
values
think that breast feeding is a sexual act and should not occur between a
foster
child or non biological child so they would rather feed them cows milk or
soy
which of course is 3rd on the list in the WHO for milk substitutes.

Simple and very controversial, if you love your child and want the best for
him, you will breastfeed because you know it will make them strong.

My concerns are that it is illegal to ship bodily fluids by fedex so I'll be
committing a felony to feed our baby and that since I want to go to the
refugee
camps in Jordan now that I can't because the logistics of shipping anything
out
of the middle east is impossible right now. How funny it would be to be
indicted
for the federal offense  of shipping breast milk from the middle east, I'm
sure
I'd be labelled as an international terrorist for sure.

It seems though that either you end up on an American talk show ( saw one
today
from John Walsh where a women was being berated for donating her eggs to her
mom and step father for them to implant) amused me though cause for some
reason
she felt that this woman's concerns were real and not just for the glamour
of
having your 15 secs of fame

(HOW can you know how you will feel? I know this
might sound difficult for someone who stands up and berates people on
national
television but I know myself and my feelings, there is only love for my
child
and my child's parents during this. Please stop talking, you have had your
15
secs now do something that will make another persons life better and sit
down..
What happens if your mom is unable to carry the child to term because of her
age? For god sake, do you actually buy into the age over birth thing, go the
chiropractor, don't eat crap, don't complain and enjoy your pregnancy and
yes if you are not ready for a baby and the change in your life then both
your
baby and your body will fight you).

The book includes the lectures that I got from midwives about how I can't
know
what my pregnancy will be like and I have to let them control my birth.
Again a
load of crap, I have a very strong belief that my baby is supposed to be
born
into the world in this way and that the love I give him now and the prayers
I
hear from his mom are a part of his growth and development. Not only did I
tell
her I was disappointed that she felt the need to tell me my birth was not my
won but when I inquired into the BC board of midwives for a response I got a
reply that said, "midwives know best that is why they're registered".

So again I get to do something illegal which is to import a midwife from the
states
because none of the midwives I spoke to would support a home birth or a
surrogacy ( I originally wanted an unattended birth with my best friend and
I,
my partner and the babies mom but because he's a DR and all the rules
surrounding having a Dr at a home birth ( will loose his license to practice
and be dedoctorized) I could decide to have the birth by myself, which
totally
freaked out both my partner and babies mom. Unfortunately had to compromise
this
ideal because I would prefer them not to have heart attacks and freak out
but
that is all I'm compromising on.

Many of the people I worked with are now pregnant, one ( best friends sister
in
law) has refused to breast feed because of fear of pain and cause she thinks
it's gross and has torn a naturopathic family (Grandfather, great uncle,
uncle and babies dad) )are all chiropractors who know the allergies that
formula feeding increases the likelihood of) absolutely apart.

Do I judge moms who don't breastfeed as being less then desirable? Yeah, no
question, but I also judge moms who don't hold their children in slings and
prefer to carry them at hip side as completely uninformed and doing damage
to
their bodies rather then carry sling side.

The book will be a success because I know my visions of motherhood are not
difficult and are exactly what I wish to accomplish (part time pilot, own my
own chiropractic and obstetrics/midwifery office with lots of kids both mine
from different fathers and adopted, no husband but possibly a live in father
or
uncle figure) and then I'll write a book entitled "This is motherhood"
relying
on the success of my first book discussing "the merits of surrogacy and
motherhood and what makes a mother".

Perhaps another reason why these things are not on the front page which was
explained to me by my partner is that breasts make men horny and when they
see
a women breastfeed they think of their mom and then they get all weird. If
the
baby was mine, there would be no question that I would carry him to school
and
he would breastfeed in class and I would probably get an injunction against
myself not to breastfeed by my classmates and therefore I would have to
loudly
tease anyone who found breastfeeding uncomfortable with confrontational
language "do I remind you of your mom?" Very funny proposition.

Cynthia Ganga
[log in to unmask]

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