What do we mean by hard? When I talk about pain in labor in my classes,
I say that pain is both very personal and socially determined. No one
can really describe what labor feels like,. To the extent that such
things can be measured objectively, it's clear that some labors are
harder than others, however,  how each of us experiences it is very
personal and very different. Pain is also socially determined. In US
culture we believe the notion that all pain should be eliminated at all
cost, so we view the pain of labor differently than in other cultures
that have different views about pain.

Seems to me that bfing is similar. It is both a very personal
experience for each dyad and also very much socially determined.

The other thing I think about is, what's wrong with something being
hard? When my kids get frustrated because they don't get their math or
something else on the first try, I try to explain to them that when we
master something hard we have a much better feeling of accomplishment
than if it's all easy. Two of my kids are in gymnastics. They work very
hard to learn each new step, each new routine. The pride on their faces
and those of their team mates (and their parents and coaches) at the
end of a meet well done is worth a lot! Not everything in life is easy.
Accomplishing something hard is very empowering and carries over to
other areas in our lives. For the women for whom bfing is hard, there
is a wonderful sense of empowerment and accomplishment that comes with
being able to say "I did that, it took effort and sacrifice, and look
what I accomplished!" For those for whom bfing is easier, their pride
in accomplishment will come with other things.

Naomi Bar-Yam

--------------------------------
Naomi Bar-Yam Ph.D.
[log in to unmask]

Researcher, Writer, Educator
in Maternal and Child Health
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