Very well said!!!
I can count the scars from the "interesting" times people assumed that I am
doing something becouse I am  - Russian, or Jewish, or American, or
Orthodox...
Of course all Russians hit their kids...
Your honor this witness could not have possibly recognized a man shooting
at her, she is white and to her all black people look the same... (this was
actually said about me, by a LOL! white lawyer)
The list can go on and on...
I have convinced a friend to breastfeed her 10Th baby. She nursed the first
one for 3 months. The rest got the bottle from the get go. I have supported
her and my husband was encouraging her husband to support her. She loved
nursing and we actually got past 3 months point by a week. Then she went to
the local clinic for shots and weight & measure. Came back with the
formula. Baby is very underweight. My friend is tiny and her HD is even
shorter and very skinny. Both under 5 feet. So of course the baby is not
measuring up to the growth charts standard. And anyway, as one of the
nurses said, you are way too busy to nurse the baby, all Orthodox are, so
you are better off with the formula.
When my friend told me that... well I went home and cried...
It has been 3 months. The baby has gained some weight (not much). Partial
breastfeeding limped on for another month or so...
I keep wondering if the nurses would not have thought about my friend as an
Orthodox (synonym for uneducated in this case) Mom with 10 kids would they
have recommended something different, like seeing an IBCLC, or simply
asking about the family history...
Stereotyping can be very hard on the "victim".
And defending oneself against it sometimes simply impossible.
Last Thursday I went to see a dietician. I have been having a lot of pain
problems in the last 4 months. Therefore not moving around a lot, since
walking and even sitting heart so much. And so I have gained a lot of
weight. The dietisian had 20 minutes to give me. Looked at my bloodwork and
asked me what I eat. She did make a note that I have joint pain, but did
not see it as pertaining to her. Her only comment retailing to nursing was
"It does not mean you should eat for two". Allergies of my baby (dairy,
soy, gluten) did not come up. When I told her I do not eat certain things
because of my baby - she was incredulous and since this did not agree with
her outlook, it was simply dismissed. Instead I was told to exercise, eat
more meat, and have meals at regular times (this last is the only thing I
can attempt). My pain, my schedule, my budget (meat is simply out of it)
were not considered relevant.
Instead she saw an overweight Orthodox (remember = ignorant) lady, too lazy
to exercise and too found of her food and prosided to treat me as if I know
nothing. When I told her that I gained the wait not during pregnancy, but
after she was incredulous and I think the only reason why she did not call
me a lyar was that DH was there with me and he confirmed it.
I came out crying.
And reluctant to follow even the sensible recommendations.
-
Henya
Migdal HaEmek, Israel

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On Thu, Feb 14, 2013 at 10:17 PM, Rachel Myr <[log in to unmask]> wrote:

> For starters, the Chinese population numbers at least 1.3 billion
> people just in China, so it is conceivable that there is some
> variation in practice across the group.
>
> I find the most useful thing when working with someone who has ideas
> foreign to the dominant culture wherever I am, is a good interpreter
> so I can ask the specific mother about *her* beliefs, customs, and
> find out what, if any, comments and questions she has for me. As a
> corollary, I find the least useful thing is to meet her with an
> assumption that whatever the last woman of the same nationality or
> ethnicity did, is indicative of what this woman will do. Both of these
> opinions are also based on what I find helpful when I, a foreigner
> where I live, encounter health professionals or anyone else providing
> a service to me. There are other parameters that determine at least as
> strongly what kind of information she starts out with, such as
> education, income level, whether she is from an urban or a rural
> family, and her profession. I am not there to care for a culture, I'm
> there to care for a mother and her child, and breastfeeding works the
> same way no matter what language her mother or mother-in-law speaks.
> Also, it's a rare woman who reacts negatively to being given
> individual attention and respect for her as a person and as a mother.
>
> I have stereotypical ideas based on the experiences I have in my
> specific location, with women from various communities here. South
> Asians in Kristiansand almost always bring small cotton mitts to the
> hospital to put on the baby to prevent her/him from scratching her/his
> cheeks. I see those mitts on other babies, too, but not with the
> consistency shown by immigrants from Vietnam, Thailand, China, and the
> Philippines, which are the main countries in that region with sizeable
> immigrant populations in my town.
>
> When the 'Back to Sleep' campaigns started over 20 years ago, we
> learned that SIDS rates in New Zealand were shockingly high, and
> surprisingly low to the point of being non-existent in Hong Kong. I
> placed both my babies prone for sleep, on their NZ lambskins, and they
> were among the majority who didn't die from that now infamous
> practice. At the time, the Chinese tradition of placing babies supine
> for the first 100 days (after which they went to the photographer to
> have a portrait picture taken, with their nice wide faces and flat
> heads!) was credited for the low SIDS rates in Hong Kong but I don't
> know what kinds of epidemiological data were used. At the time, I
> doubt there would have been reliable data about infant mortality from
> China; if you doubt me, consider what we know about the practice of
> gender-biased infanticide in China.
>
> When I started midwifery school, the 20-odd students introduced
> themselves to the group, and when I said I was from the US, the
> teacher immediately asked me why 'all American women always want
> dry-up pills' on the postnatal ward. Her experience was with US
> military wives whose husbands were on duty with the NATO base in Oslo.
> My experience was from Seattle and at the time, I had clocked about
> ten times the breastfeeding hours of any of my fellow students,
> including the mature mother of six in our class. I was the only one in
> the class who was still breastfeeding through most of the school year,
> despite there being half a dozen of us with children as young as the
> one I was breastfeeding. I found the question baffling and a little
> offensive, but I've never forgotten the occasion and I think I'm a
> better practitioner for it.
>
> Yes, you can know what is common practice in a country, but you can't
> know whether the woman you are meeting is a living representative of
> typical practice in her home country. You need to talk to her as an
> individual and you need to take her mother and mother-in-law into the
> reckoning just as you need to for any mother.
>
> Rachel Myr
> Kristiansand, Norway
>
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